Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Over Negging The Bartender

Monday night - To celebrate my breakthrough to overcoming approach anxiety, I decided to go to a huge local 3-star hotel by a convention center, hoping to sarge on some visitors, especially traveling business women. I convinced Radium to come with me.

Bar 1:
I arrived 5 minutes before Radium, trying to be super social, and started chatting with the bartender at the hotel bar. Radium joined us, we chatted for a bit. There was a female bartender and a male bartender that's occasionally dropping by. I asked for a Mojito from each, and negged the female bartender about the male bartender making better Mojitos, we asked if there're other bars in the hotel, she directed me to other ones, we chilled out and chatted for about 15 minutes longer. Radium and myself both finished our drinks, and I negged the female bartender by loudly (and obviously loudly) talking to Radium, "Dude, let's go check out the other bar, our bartender's kinda annoying". She gave us a smile after hearing it, and we left for the next bar in the hotel.

Bar 2:
We went to another bar, which we got greeted by 5 different employees at the same time at the entrance of the bar area. I made a joke about it, telling them how special I feel, I stood next to them acting like I was going to greet somebody as well, and said "I just want someone else to feel a little more special, so I'm going to join you guys for the next greeting", obviously I only stood there for 3 seconds, long enough to generate a laugh, and sat at the bar.

I ordered a drink, the bartender chatted with Radium and myself for a little bit, I started with quick small negs, the bartender seemed a bit more interested in talking with us.

I needed to use the restroom, asked for directions, and passed another bar on the way to the restroom. The bartender is standing around next to the bar entrance, because her whole bar's empty. She's in her early to mid 30's, blond, cute, about a 7 (out of 10). I smiled at her, she smiled back, I kept on walking to the bathroom. On the way back, I stroke up a conversation:
Me: What you up to?
HB7: Nothing really, nobody's here tonight
Me: Awwwww......I'd totally hang with you for a drink if my friend and I aren't already sitting on the other bar.
HB7: I understand
Me: I'll talk to you later (then a small tap on the shoulder)
I got back from the bathroom to rejoin the bar, my drink was still there, untouched (hopefully), I negged more and more, then asked some opinion about women then how old she is.
HBbartender:I'm 23
Me, playfully: Oh, wow, sorry, I no longer want to know what you think about it now, not that you're not important, but it's just not important to me because I usually date women in their early 30's.
HBbartender: How old are you?
Me: 105
Generated a quick laugh from the bartender, conversation kept on going, I negged more and more. At one point, she said "okay, I'm not gonna talk to you for 10 minutes" while still chatting with Radium due to my over-negging. I said "Okay, cool". I stood up with my drink in my hand, and walked away, to the other bar where HB7 was bar tending.

Bar 3:
I sat down at her bar, told her that my friend is trying to talk to the bartender, so I'm gonna leave them alone, and now I'm here to chill with you. She seemed receptive, which she has to be because she's the bartender and I'm the only person at her bar. She asked about my story, I talked about myself for a few minutes, I asked about her story, she talked about herself for a little while, we talked about common interests, all the local fun hangout places, etc.

We chatted more, I tell her I'm a fairly perceptive person, and gave her a really "interested, but analytical" stare for about 10 seconds, with my hand on my cheek and everything. She asked if I know anything about her by just looking at her for that long, I said "no, but I can tell you a lot about yourself if you wrote down your signature". She did, it transitioned into a handwriting analysis routine, at the end, I asked "so from a scale of 1 to 10, how close was I?". She said "8 or 9", continued to be surprised about how close I was, etc, so I said "here, let's give this psyc test a try, it'll tell me even more about you as a person, imagine a cube ..." I transitioned into a the cube game routine, built more comfort and value as I was "telling her about herself as a person, subconciously" while asking her more questions about her, and here's the horse part:
Me: So you imagined a unicore, which makes me think that you're looking for something super special, almost a guy that's too good to exist.
HB7: Well...........that's not true..........I like all the guys in my past
Me: Do you feel like most aren't good enough for you though? Like you're slightly better than all the guys you dated?
HB7: No
Me: It's okay if you do, cuz I feel like that sometimes
HB7:And why do you feel that way? Do you feel like you're more intelligent? Better looking? Make more money?
Me: Yes, I don't know, and yes. I also feel like I'm more travelled, more cultured, more open minded, etc. So you don't feel like your dream guy's too good to exist, huh? So are you currently in a relationship?
HB7: Yes
Me: How long have you guys been together?
HB7: 6 years.
So that set was wasted, I finished the cube routine, chatted with her for a bit while finishing my drink that I brought over from the other bar, and asked for a water. She handed me a water, I left her a nice tip, estimated it's been about 30 minutes already, said my goodbyes, and went back to the bar Radium was at.

Back to Bar 2:
By now, Radium had built some comfort with HBbartender. I went back with my new-found water from the other bar, and said:
Me: Your coworkers are some of the most awesome people ever.
HBbartender: Yeah, those are some great people (pointing to the hostesses in the same bar)
Me: No I was actually talking about the bartender at the other bar (pointing down the hall, basically gave her a "I had a lot more fun chatting with her than you" hint)
HBbartender: Oh, our bars don't really intermingle much, I've seen her, but I don't really know much about her.
Me: Wow, such a shame, you totally should. She's nice, intelligent, well cultured, well travelled, and really pretty. Too bad she's in a 6 year relationship, I totally would've given it a try if she wasn't.
I kept on chatting for a little while, asked Radium if he was ready to leave, he said "yes" and he went for a number close. He wasn't successful, but the bartender wanted him to come back, and said "I'll be here the next 3 days". While leaving, I asked:
Me: From a scale of 1-10, how nice of a guy do you think my friend is?
HBbartender: Like a 9 and a half
Me: Okay, from a scale of 1 - 10, how nice of a guy was I being tonight?
HBbartender: Well.....uh........
Me: Hmmmmm......like a 2-3?
HBbartender: Yeah, but you said it, not me.
Me: That's cool, I don't take offense. So from a scale of 1 - 10, how much of a jackass was I being tonight?
HBbartender: Well.....uh.......
Me: Like 8 or 9?
HBbartender: Yeah, I'd say so
Me: Appreciate it. Have a good night.



Things I did well:
  • First bartender, negged a little about her mojito
  • When 2nd bartender "stopped talking to me", I didn't just sit around looking like I'm not having fun, "being punished on time-out", I went out and showed her that I had even more fun
  • Came back and talked about all the great qualities about the other bartender (competition, jealousy)
  • Fun, interesting vibe
Things I fucked up on:
  • Over-negged, can't judge the cue of when I should stop negging.

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