Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Networking Game & Fool's Mate

Attributes of Fool's Mate:
  • Easy success
  • Tough to replicate
  • Doesn't help much with overall experience
  • Comes from chess term, where you beat the opponent in 2 (or 4) moves.

So now there's a new girl in my life that I met through networking game. Networking game as in an acquaintance of a friend, and we met in a social gathering which my friend attended. I number closed and time-bridged our first date to be watching the Olympic basketball game at my place.
  • Time: 10AM on a Sunday morning.
  • Place: My place.
I built some Kino really quick, when she was looking out of my downtown apartment window for the view (slightly bent over) when she first came in, I jokingly said "Are you trying show off your ass?" and gave it a quick, light smack. I didn't really care if I pissed her off anyway because I didn't put in the work of cold-approach, therefore I don't value her or the outcome much. She responded well, by the first quarter of the basketball game I held her in my arms on the couch. We made out during half-time, I transitioned into the bedroom, "sealed the deal", and the 2nd half of the basketball game was never watched. I've never had a SNL before, and this is the closest thing to it.

I spent the entire day with her and she invited me to sleep over her place that night which I did. We had "the talk" about what we're looking for in life. She's looking for a relationship but I'm not looking for anything exclusive. The idea of "dating around" seemed foreign to her, but she seemed okay with it, for now. I basically told her "I don't want to stop you from finding your prince charming because I'm not looking for anything exclusive, but until you find that prince charming, we can spend time together".

I've been spending about 2 nights a week with her for the past 2 weeks. She boosts my temporary happiness, but I feel like I cheated. I obtained her through networking game and not cold approach, and this experience does very little helping me improve my overall game.

Update with Kim

Same as before, haven't really advanced much physically or emotionally, still seeing her about once a week. I realized that I genuinely like her, and I'm being somewhat needy and AFCish.

Friday night date highlight:
On the date before that, I timebridged her to do Saki with me Friday night because a local Japanese restaurant has Saki specials on Friday nights. I told her to bring a change of cloths if she wanted to. I also jokingly asked if she snored when she sleeps, she said sometimes, and I said something like "if you wake me up with your snore, I'll randomly touch you so you can't sleep either". Stage was set, expectations were set.

On Friday, I got a flake attempt, she had a migraine. I offered to go over her place and bring some food so we don't have to go out, she accepted. It was somewhat of an AFCish thing to do, but I felt like it was "the right thing" to do, and it confirmed that she really did have a migraine, it wasn't a random flake so she can go do other things. After dinner when I randomly squeezed her ass, she said something like "I don't know how to say this without being awkward, I don't know what you were expecting tonight, but I can't because it's my time of the month". I gave her a kiss on the forehead and said "It's okay, like I always say, I don't wanna do anything you're not comfortable with".

Later on, when we were just chatting, I jokingly said "fuck you" like I always do.
Kim: Not tonight
Me: But future nights?
Kim: Maybe
Me: Aren't you a virgin?
Kim: Yeah
Me: Aren't you saving yourself for marriage?
Kim: No, I'm just tired of dating assholes
Me: I understand, but if you saved yourself all this time, I don't wanna be the guy that ruins it for you
Kim: You're talking as if that was sacred
Me: I understand

I kept on chatting with her. From the looks of it, she's considering losing her virginity to me. I don't even know if that's something I'd want to do - I feel guilty taking something from her that she can't restore, and she saved it all this time. But then again, it could be a random lead-on. I have a friend who met this new girl, who always sends him text messages and talks about "I'll tie you up" and "I'd spank you", but when he isolated her in his apartment, he didn't get anywhere at all. That made me slightly jaded about women and their (potentially false) sexual hints.

On the last date with her (following Monday night), I said something like "Yeah, I was making plans for this week and made plans for Tue - Thu, and I'm going out of town for the weekend. I realized that I didn't make plans to see you, and really wanted to see you this week, so I appreciate you coming out with me tonight". About 15 minutes into the date, I decided that I was too needy, too attached, and too AFC. So I mentally convinced myself to not like her much and pull back from this. I acted really indifferent and non-needy. When the conversation died down, I was not picking up the conversation during our dinner at a local deli and she had to start new conversation threads after 10 seconds of silence. We were going to go grocery shopping afterwards, I didn't offer to drive her to the store down the street, I just said "I'll meet you at [store name]. After we paid for our groceries at different lines, I didn't offer a goodnight hug like I normally would, no time-bridge to next date, I just walked to my car, said "have a good night", and Kim seemed slightly surprised. I didn't really care much for her surprise because I've already mentally telling myself that I no longer like her as much as I did before, and was prepared to not call her for a week and a half (I have plans every night for a week anyway).

To my surprise, she called me the next day at 6PM and left a message inviting to a baseball game that she's going to with her friends. I called her back:
Me: I wish you would've asked me before I made plans for this week
Kim: You know I don't like planning ahead, you're lucky I didn't ask you an hour before the game started
Me: Yeah, sorry, I got plans to go out drinking w/ some friends. You're welcome to join us for a drink or two afterwards
Kim: Well, I'll be with friends, I'll see what they want to do. I'll give you a call if we're joining you guys for drinks
Me: Sure, what time does the baseball game end?
Kim: Around 10-11.
Me: Yeah, we'll definitely be out drinking during those times, just give me a call if you want to join us.

We ended the call on that note, it'll be interesting to see if she's joining my friend and I for a drink while we go out sarging.

Things to Wonder About:
  • After 5-6 dates, is it okay to be a little AFCish and a little needy?
  • Her losing her virginity to me - random lead on or is she being sincere?
  • Did she invite me to the baseball game (asked me out instead of me asking her out) because she sensed me withdrawing my attention and interest?
  • Her inviting me to a baseball game this coming Thursday night - random shit-test? I've already told her I've got plans for the rest of the week.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Date 4 With Kim, Becoming AFC, Time Bridge

So I took Kim out for Pho (Vietnamese noodle soup) Wed night. We met up at my place because she didn't know where it was. Kim's never had Pho before, so she asked me what I was having, and I said "Either the #32 or #33, those two look most American". She ordered the 32 and I had 33. We kept things pretty light, joking around, talking about random stuff. Before the soup arrived, they brought condiments on a plate - bean sprouts and basil leaves. I handed it to her:
Me: That's your #32
Kim really believed me and was starting to eat it
Me, stopping her: Wow, I was just kidding, it's condiments.
Kim: Hey, if you say that was the #32, I was gonna believe you
Me Joking: Yeah, that would've been funny, but the reason I wouldn't let you do that wasn't for you, I just didn't want to be out of condiments when my food arrives.
Kim Joking: So you saved me from eating those not because you're a nice guy, but your own selfish reasons.
Me Joking: Yeah, totally.

We kept on just talking and joking and having fun with things. After dinner, I drove us both back to my place, and said "come on up with me". She said "Okay, only for a little while because I have to get up early tomorrow". I said "Yeah, I know, I have to get up early too because [inserted random lame excuse for having to get up early]". We kissed on the couch a little, she still did the quick kiss and lean away thing, but I held her head confidently, "here, this is how you should kiss". I made sure she couldn't lean away, she seemed to be okay with it.

I transitioned her into the bedroom, and took off her bra and shirt. I wasn't in a hurry, she put up some early resistance and covered her bra manually to her chest, but I respected it, but eventually she pulled her arms away from her body and I told her that her body's beautiful. She seemed really ticklish, probably from being somewhat new and nervous to my touch. I tested a few spots and realized she really was ticklish. She was okay with my hand resting still on her breast, but when I caressed her body, such as her stomach, it made her giggly. I pull off her jeans, but she held onto her underwear when I pulled it off, and I respected that too. She seemed giggly when I tried to rub between her legs through her underwear as well, so I didn't push it much.

I had some kind of an AFC talk with her, which I got "real".
Me: What do you want?
Kim: What do you mean, what do I want right now? What do I want in life? What do you mean?
Me: I meant with us. Are you looking to get married with kids? Looking for a serious relationship? Multiple longterm relationship? Dating around? Fuck buddy? What do you want?
Kim: I don't know, what do you want?
Me: Well, I'm not looking for anything exclusive right now, but I don't wanna be your fuck-buddy cuz I DO enjoy spending time with you outside the bedroom. What about you? What do you want?
Kim: I don't know, I wouldn't mind being married, I wouldn't mind having a boyfriend, I wouldn't mind anything, I really don't know.
Me: I understand, we don't have to decide on anything now.

We kept on chatting, talking about random stuff while I had her in my arms. I also remember chatting about this thread:
Me: Are you comfortable?
Kim: Yeah.
Me: You sure? Cuz the last time we did this, I felt like I made you feel uncomfortable, that's why you flaked out on me the next time
Kim: I really wasn't feeling well
Me: Oh? I saw you in a bar the next day
Kim: That was the next day. I don't flake out.
Me: I understand, I just assumed it was a random flake-out, if I knew you really weren't feeling well, I'd drop by and bring you some soup or something.

I also remember acting somewhat "needy", I remember holding her on my bed and she said she needed to use the bathroom
Me: Nope, you don't get to go, I like holding you.
Kim: I AM coming back
Me: I know, but still, I like holding you right now, so you don't get to go.

Obviously, I let her go to the bathroom, but I might've seemed somewhat needy. The date ended well, and at the end of the date I tried to timebridge it into a Friday night date.
Me: Got plans Friday night?
Kim: My cousin's coming over with her kids and using our apartment pool, I really don't know when it'll end
Me: I'm going to [bigger city I spend a lot of weekends in] over the weekend, was thinking about Friday night, but I can go on Saturday if you think it'll end around 8-9ish and would like to get together Friday night.
Kim: Yeah, I really don't know, my cousin's the type of person that'll come by just to say hi and stay for 4 hours, so I really don't know.
Me: That's cool, if you think it'll end early, get back to me by Friday at noon, if not, I'll be making plans in [bigger city] for Friday night. If not, let's do dinner Tuesday night if you're available
Kim: Yeah, but I can't stay out late, gotta get up early on Wed
Me: Yeah, I'm thinking of 7ish, I got plans to go out drinking with some friends around 9-9:30ish, so I it wouldn't be too late.
Kim: That sounds good

She called me Friday night at 6PM.
Me: What's going on
Kim: Was I supposed to call you today at 12?
Me: Only if you think your cousin was leaving early, but I've already made some plans in [bigger city] for tonight, sorry. We're still on for dinner on Tuesday, right?
Kim: Uh......yeah.
Me: Cool, look forward seeing you Tuesday, I'll give you a call around 6ish. Have a good day.

Things I did well:
  • Built more comfort on the date
  • Time-bridged into next date
  • Stuck to my own rules about her calling me by 12, if not, I can't get together.

Things I wondered about:
  • Did I seem too AFCish and too needy during the date?
  • Should I have not brought up "real issues" and kept it fun and adventurous the whole night?
  • Her calling me at 6PM when I told her "call me by noon if you think you can get together Friday night", was that a random shit-test?

Monday, August 11, 2008

Tuesday Night Date, and time bridge

So, after all the random shenanigans with Kim, we went go-karting last Tuesday night. My mission was simple: damage control.

I talked to a few people, and they think I made her feel uncomfortable on our last date, and that's why she flaked out on me the next time. I had a mission that in this date, I was going to not push things physically, and build some comfort. I wanted to show her that I don't just want her for her body, I genuinely like her as a person, which I truly do.

We met up at the go-kart place and I bought two "unlimited passes" for $10 each. We stayed in line and we chatted, kept the conversation light and fun. I used the masturbating in the shower joke, she pretended like she wasn't amused, but I knew she found it funny, and I transitioned into a DHV story about my career and travel experiences - "Come on, the least you can do is a courtesy laugh. The last time I got a courtesy laugh was when I giving a presentation in a board room in Manhattan, ..."

About 30 minutes later, we got to ride the go-kart, mine was all the way at the back and my kart was significantly slower, and I went all the way through without seeing her. We decided to go one more time, and kept on chatting about more stuff. During this chat, she chatted about drinking, and said something like "I think while drunk, we do things we wanted to do anyway, we just don't think of the consequences as much", and she looked fairly serious about it. I lighted up the mood with "Yeah, totally, the next time I get drunk and fuck a goat, we all know that I am secretly attracted to goats, but now I got an excuse to fuck them". She called me a "goat fucker", I said something like "Oh yeah, totally, now that I think about it, you DO look like a goat, I'd totally fuck ya." We kept on joking some more.

We got to ride the go-kart again. She was one kart in front of me, but I got a kart that's somewhat faster now. I felt like I caught up with her really quickly. I don't know if she deliberately let me do that or if my kart really was a lot quicker. I bumped her out of the way in one turn and got in front of her, and I slowed down a bit to let her pass me. I then bumped her out of the way again and got in front of her. Of course, I let her pass me again, so it would almost feel like a true "competition". The 3rd time I bumped her out of the way in a turn, I spun her kart out and she was side ways against a railing, and I stopped behind her. The employee pushed her kart off the railing, and told everyone to go slow into spot where we get off the kart, because it was the last lap. Afterwards, we had a playful argument about who won.
Kim: I passed you twice and didn't have to cheat and bump into you like you did to me
Me: Doesn't matter, I still won
Kim: No, I finished in front of you
Me: That's only cuz I'm such a nice guy and waited on you when you span out
Kim: And who's fault is that, that I span out?
etc, etc, etc.

Afterwards, we went to I-hop down the road to grab desert. She talked about going out of town that coming weekend, which sucked because I was going to time-bridge into another date for that coming Friday night, to attempt to get intimate with her again after building more comfort. After desert, I drove her back to her car. We chatted outside a little more, leaning against my car. I built more comfort by talking about some deeper, "real", subjects. We chatted about whether we watch TV or read before going to sleep, what we think about after we turn off the light/TV, the 30 seconds to 5 minutes before actually falling asleep, "what ifs" in life and where our life would be if we made a different 50/50 major decision earlier on in our lives, etc.

During our chat, I positioned her in different spots. We started chatting when we both were leaning on my car, she was on the right side of me, looking in the same direction as I was. Later on, I pulled her in closer to me, and put my right arm around her, then as we chatted about more stuff, built more comfort, I pulled her off my car, positioned her in front of me but still facing the same direction so I'm leaned up against my car behind her, and wrapped my arms around her waist, and we kept on chatting. It's somewhat weird, she didn't have any reactions no matter what I did. She didn't seem uncomfortable or comfortable with either, she almost seemed emotionless. I then turned her around, and gave her a kiss on the lips. She gave me a short pecking-like kiss, but then leaned her head back, almost like she's got problems with intimacy. I wished her a good night, and wish her to have a good time out of town that coming weekend. I ended the date with "I'll give you a call sometime next week."

The following Saturday afternoon, I sent her a "non-needy" (in my own opinion, of course) text message just to keep the line of communication going - "This is such bs, stuck in line at atm behind a lady taking forever at the register and playing with her baby at the same time". I thought she'd be amused and reply with something like "haha" or something, but I didn't get a reply back.

I called her Sunday night to make some plans for mid-week. My rational was to reach her early so she doesn't plan anything yet, and get it by mid-week so I can schedule another date Friday night and make a move on her without it being "the next day". I called her at 8:30, she didn't pick up and I didn't leave a message. She called me back an hour later, I was on the phone and didn't pick up, she left a message saying "Hey, saw a missed call from you, bye". I called her back 10 minute after that and she answered.
Me: What's going on
Kim: Nothing really, how are you?
Me: I'm awesome, had fun on your trip?
Kim: Yeah, it was really fun, we just got back, and I'm really tired
Me: Glad you girls had fun. How long was the drive? 4-5 hours?
Kim: Yeah, about that, I know, I'm a wimp
Me: Yeah, totally. Did you drive, or did a friend drive? You have absolutely no reason to be tired if your friend drove
Kim: I drove
Me: Fine, I guess you can be tired driving then. Got plans Wed night?
Kim: Not that I know of
Me: Let's grab some Pho, have you ever had Vietnamese noodle soup?
Kim: No, I haven't.
Me: It's pronounced Fe in Vietnamese, but since we're Americans, we'll call it Fo.
Kim: [slight laugh, giggle]
Me: Let's plan on that Wed night around 7-7:30ish, cool?
Kim: Okay
Me: What works better for you? You dropping by my place and we'll drive there together? Or me texting you the address, you Mapquest it, and we meet there?
Kim: Well, I just turned off my text messaging plan last week, so texting won't work anymore.
Me: So you didn't get my text message yesterday?
Kim: No
Me: Yeah, I randomly texted you cuz I was stuck in line in an ATM with a lady playing with her baby taking forever. Do you still remember where I live?
Kim: I think so
Me: Awesome, let's plan on meeting at my place around 7-7:30ish, and we'll go grab food together.
Kim: Okay
Me: Cool, have a good night.

That was Sunday night, and it's currently Monday. Only time will tell if she flakes out again.

Things I did well:
  • On the date - created more fun conversations
  • On the date - built lots of comfort

Things I question about:
  • When she talks about drinking and doing things we truly wanted to do, was she referring to the Friday night date when we semi-hooked up, and we both had drinks?
  • Her lack of body language when I hold her in different positions, neither positive nor negative, neither nervousness or comfort. What was that about?
  • Her turning off her text messaging service on her phone - real or random lie?
  • Did I seem too needy or AFC-ish after the date? I said "I'd call her sometime next week" Tuesday night, and I texted her on Saturday and called her on Sunday.
  • Should I have played more games, even though we've known each other for a while already? Should I have waited an hour to call her back because she waited an hour to call me back? Instead of asking her if she got plans Wed night, should I have said "I got some plans Monday and Tuesday night, but let's get together Wednesday night if you're free"?

Shanannigans After Friday Night Date

Haven't blogged for a while. Been going out a lot lately, but have no real good stories. I guess it's only fair I talk about what happened with the Friday Night Date girl, her name's Kim.

I called her the next Tuesday and set up a Wed night dinner date. I wanted to build some more comfort, showing her that it isn't just about the physical thing, I'm still willing to stick around afterwards, we still can get together and hang out, etc. She called on Wed afternoon and flaked out on me. Her excuse was "I'm sorry, but I'm not feeling well, I've got migraines". I said "cool, we'll reschedule" and ended the conversation.

The next night, I was out sarging with Radium and saw her coming out of a bar as I walked in. She was with a mixed group of guys and girls, I greeted her, really up beat, great smiling friendly vibe, hinted to Radium that she's the one that flaked out on me by saying "This is Kim, I was gonna have dinner with her yesterday, but she wasn't feeling well".
Kim: I really wasn't
Me: I'm glad you're feeling better, have a good night.

We went into the bar as she and her group walked out of it. I was really annoyed at the time, and I decided to delete her number off my phone. About a week and a half later on a Monday night, I received a call from her. I didn't pick up because I was hanging with Graves at the time. I also didn't really know who it was because I deleted her number off my phone, and she didn't leave a message. I called back about 45 minutes later, and realized it was her.
Me: Missed a call from you?
Kim: Hey, was just wondering if you were at your apartment, I was downtown with a friend. But we're not any more
(My apartment is within walking distance of downtown)
Me: Sorry, was hanging out with a friend, we're actually hitting up downtown right now.
Kim: Oh
Me: Hey, there's this Thai restaurant I'm thinking about checking out on Wednesday, you should join me
Kim: I'm not sure, can I get back to you tomorrow about this?
Me: Sure, just get back to me by tomorrow, have a good night.

I got off the phone, she called back the next day and gave some really weird excuse that she can't do dinner on Wednesday. Something like "I was at my parents' today, we picked vegetables and we're going to can them tomorrow". I basically said "That's cool, give me a call if you want to get together", and got off the phone with her again. Again, I "left the ball in her court", conveying the attitude of "I made my effort, now if you want to get together, you'd have to put some effort in".

The following Sunday, she called me and left me a message while I was going out day-game sarging with Graves. Her message was something casual, like "Hey, it's Kim, sorry about canceling the last two times, call me back".

I called her back the next day (Monday night).
Me: Hey, it's Paul
Kim: What's up
Me: Nothing really, was thinking of going go-karting tomorrow night, you should join me
Kim: Go karting?
Me: Yeah, it'll be fun
Kim: How much does it cost? I don't really have much money
Me: Don't worry about it, it's just a couple of bucks
Kim: You sure?
Me: Yeah, just a few dollars, no big deal. Do you know where ____ is?
Kim: Yeah, I do
Me: Cool, meet you there at 7:30?
Kim: Sure, sounds good.
Me: Awesome, have a good night.

We got off the phone, the date was set for the next night, which she didn't flake.

Things I did well:
  • Non-neediness, decided to not call her until she calls me due to her being inconsiderate
  • Being a man, not "asking her out", or "consulting on where we'll go", but telling her "this is where I'm thinking of going, you should join me"

Things I need to figure out:
  • Does she not want to go out with me much? If she does, I'm sure she can find a few bucks to go go-karting with me, instead of hesitating due to money
  • Does she not want to get romantic with me? She said she didn't have money, if she wanted to get romantic, she shouldn't have hesitated at all to let me pay, because that's what "romantic couples" do.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Decline Of Success

The chart below shows my level of success in every new technique I learn with my current skills - whether it's a new cross-over in basketball, new shot in billiards, or new strategy in a video game. When learning doing something new, I fuck up more than I succeed and am temporarily worse off than before, but after I master the new skills, I can take the new skills and incorporate with my existing ones, and see greater success I couldn't see before.

Sarging is no different. I used to get semi-success by "winging it" with fairly high energy as opener, such as "Hey, what's up" or "What's going on, what's your name" stuff, I got semi-success out of it. I currently am trying to learn The Mystery Method, or some form of variation of it. I'm trying to move my game into more opinion openers with transition into a conversation. As of right now, success is seldom, but I know this is something I should do as a part of my long-term success.