Thursday, July 31, 2008

AMOGing and Winging

MM and I went out sarging Tuesday night. We went to this college-aged bar with drink specials. The drink special was being sold inside with loud music, and there's an attractive bartender somewhat bored outside by the patio working behind a tiki-bar. The bartender's tall, blond, skinny, nice legs. About a HB8. People weren't going to her due to the drink specials inside, she was chatting with another guy just standing by the bar. The guy she chatted with looked like a fairly small, non-threatening guy with glasses - gave the "lovable, intelligent, slightly nerdy guy" vibe. For the rest of the post, he'll be referred to as AFC.

AFC and HB8 were chatting here and there, with random pauses. Her body language looked bored, but not threatened enough for her to wish him away. Just for warm-ups, I opened the set with a random "undershirt or no with a button down shirt" opener, and MM picked up the conversation. I usually don't really do hired guns due to my own anxiety, so I distracted AFC while MM chatted with her. I chatted with AFC for a bit and MM was quiet deep in conversation with HB8. I felt it was safe for MM and didn't need to keep distracting AFC, and turned my back to the bar towards the patio, but still being friendly to AFC. I drank, chilled out for a while, and though I'd be social and say hi to random people walking by in front of me and the bouncers. Things went well, I started conversations with strangers, but mostly guys.

I sat down at a 6-seat table with only 4 girls, and said "my buddy's busy chatting with the bartender, thought I'd sit here and chat with you girls for a while." One of the hotter girls at the table said something like "Seems like he ditched you". I smiled, and said "he's chatting with her, and it's good that I leave them alone, because in return, when I do that, I'd want him to leave me alone as well. So what're your names?" Names were passed around, intros were made. The girls sitting further away from me kept talking among themselves while I struck up a conversation with a HB4 on the next seat. My weakness in my game's realized again - I can't keep a conversation going. We chatted about some random "boring" topics, and AFC came up and started talking, with fairly high energy. "Hey....____......What's up!!!" I chatted with AFC for a little more, he asked me how I was doing.
Ambiance: I'm doing awesome.
AFC, sees me sitting with girls: Yeah, looks like it. You ARE doing awesome, dude!
Ambiance, see the girls weren't paying attention to our conversation, smiled: Nah, I'm kinda sucking it up, can't keep a conversation going. You're welcome to give it a try
AFC: You're a good springboard dude
I didn't introduce AFC to the girls, and I chatted with HB4 for about 15 more seconds, realized I couldn't keep the conversation going and it ran dry, and I pointed at my empty glass. "I'm gonna grab more drinks". I left and never returned to the table, leaving AFC there. If nothing else, I gave AFC a free "in" to the 4-set.

I went back to the bar and was social for a little more. While HB8 was distracted with a customer, I looked at MM and said "ready to get outta here in a bit? He said "yeah". I asked "gonna go for the number close?" He said yes, and I turned around leaning on the bar, with my back to the bar, looking at the patio being social again. I saw AFC came back to the bar and started talking to MM and HB8. I turned back facing the bar again, seems like AFC finished pulling some childish "High 5", then brushed his hair with his hand when people are doing the high-5 to avoid the clap, and said "Oh, Burnt". MM didn't need distractions number closing. I started talking to AFC, he pulled the "oh, burnt" thing with me too, I held out my hand waiting on a high-5, and looked at him. "Come on, you can't leave me hanging, you have to do it now". He jokingly refused, and I kept on holding out my hand, hoping to buy MM enough time to number close. After about 30 seconds of this, I put my hand on his shoulder, rotated him around me so now my back's towards the bar and he's in front of me, and I said "Dude, you can't juts be leaving me hanging like that. This is what it's all about." I grabbed his hand, gave him some random bullshit handshake with a pat on the back and then a pat on the handshake with my other hand, etc. He said "I know what you're doing". I smiled and said "That's awesome". The vibe of both myself and AFC were upbeat and no apparent animosity. MM number closed, we called it a night.

Things I did well:
  • First time I AMOGed a guy, I remember once I put one hand on his shoulder, looked at him in the face in front of HB8 and MM, and said "Dude, you're a cool guy. You have my approval and validation."
  • Winged for MM well - Removed obstacles, especially late in the game when he was number closing.
  • Being social - chatted with random people without intention of hitting on them (because they were most guys)
  • Passed an early shit-test when I sat down at the table and one of the girls told me my friend ditched me to talk to the bartender - I didn't show weakness, dismay, or lose composure.

Things I need to improve on:
  • Ability to keep up a conversation without it turning "boring" - hit a dead-end on both the bartender (HB8) and HB4 I was chatting with at the table.
  • Get over my anxiety on "hired guns" - bartenders, waitresses, etc

Women's DHV

Lately, some wings and I have struck conversations with hot female bartenders. Not long into conversations, I noticed some of them try to pull DHV and pre-selection routines.

  • (after I give them my name) They call me Legs Linda in [xxx bar], but they call me Sexy Linda in [yyy bar]. They already have a someone called Hot Linda, but she's a total bitch, so I guess my name pisses her off a bit
  • (after my undershirt opener) I think you should only wear under shirts if your chest is tanned. My ex-boyfriend was muscular, so he looked good with no under shirt
We all know why PUA's use DHV routines - the qualities that makes a "high social value man" isn't easily "seen", so men use DHV stories and routines to "convey" them, such a pre-selection and social proof.

I'm sure the female bartenders did those DHV routines without consciously deciding to do it, but how did they get into the habit of doing so? What does that really accomplish for them? 95% of a woman's social value is in her "hotness", and I'm actually less likely to want her because of those lines she delivered. After delivering the lines, her "hotness" didn't increase, but her attainability decreased, so isn't that counterproductive for them to do?

Monday, July 28, 2008

New Wing - Graves

I've met a new pickup partner, Graves, and we went out last Monday sarging. He's been in the game longer than I have, but seemingly has the same problems I do during the approach phase. He can approach, but can't transition into a "normal conversation" or a DHV story. He seems to be a fairly strong believer of the Mystery Method, and I feel like I can learn a lot from him knowledge wise. He is really knowledgeable on body language and seems like a very social guy.

We went out barring, opened a couple of sets, but conversation ended quickly after the opinion opener. We planned for doing this again today, but we should come prepared. Our homework is to have an opener with 3 stacks to go with it. I haven't done mine yet, but I'll come up with it in the next 8 hours before we go out.

Nice to know there're more people in the community.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

You can find me in da club...

Ambiance, another friend (which we'll call B) and I went out to a club on Wednesday. We went to meet up with an Asian girl we met that I number closed for B. The plan was to get with her friends and hang out. The night started out late due to some random BS but we got there about 11. The club was 25% capacity and so we grabbed a table to feel the club out. After about a good 45 minutes to an hour, I got restless sine the Asian girl had not shown up. So I was fully drunk and I went over and asked a girl to dance to some Hip Hop music that was playing. She was not the only one to go as she forced her friend up as well so she could have fun too. Her friend was very stiff and almost looked scared as she tried to leave the girl I was dancing with on the dance floor with me.

We did the grinding and provocative dancing that goes with it. Ambiance tried to block the other chick, but she was ready to go and the one I was dancing with did not want to go. There was one problem I did not realize while I was dancing nasty with her: I was TOO aggressive. While she was into it, there was no trust factor built. Big problem because as I got more into the dancing it got a little more, how can I say... Adventurous. As far as she knew I was a serial killer.

Well she said she had to go to the restroom after about 5 songs (I like to call it the 'portal' because in this club once you go in there you don't come out). Ambiance and I talked to a few other chicks, a boring set of two who said they were not into the music.

I saw the Aisin chick we were looking for who was on the other side of the club the whole time. We talked for a bit and I told her that B left. Then after I left her a group of 5 chicks litterally ran into me and one kept saying she lost her friend. I was going to help her find her but she happened to be right behind her. I danced with her friend and dropped the two set.

We then left after that and grabbed a bite to eat. Once done we hit on a few other chicks who each had dudes hanging out waiting for them right after we started talking to them. Ambiance had some good transitions from the openers, but alas, they were already spoken for...

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Wed Night Sarge

Radium and I went out sarging last Wed night.

We started at a neighborhood bar. It wasn't crowded, but there also wasn't any open tables until a group left. It was table with 6 seats in it, and we sat down on it hoping to pull a couple of girls to sit down with us, using the excuse of "no open tables". We sat and chilled out for a bit, and this couple wanted to sit down at our table. We tried to reject them by saying "We're expecting our friends to join us", but they just invited themselves to sit with us by saying "It's cool, we'll leave when they get here". To our surprise, 2 more girls joined them at the table after they sat down, and the set was opened.

We made intros, and the set was split. The original couple was chatting between each other, I was chatting with one girl while Radium chatted up the other one. I made the classic mistake of not building much "attraction" during the chat, but built some comfort. We chatted about traveling and such. She talked about visiting the big city I was from often, we shared our favorite spots in the city, etc. At this point, Radium's chick faced me and said something like "I just wanted you to know that I know what's going on with you and [Radium] and I fully support your choice." I got confused, "huh? What're you talking about?" She said "It's okay, I know you two are gay with each other. I just busted out laughing, I shouted over the table to Radium, "Dude, did you tell her we were gay?" She said "It's okay, I don't judge you or anything, I think it's great that you guys are open about it." I laughed some more. Throughout all of this, she was upbeat and smiling about it, don't know if she really believed that, or she was just fucking with Radium as a joke. Either way, I kinda dismissed her while smiling, "Yeah, glad you approve", and kept on chatting up with the girl I was talking to before.

Radium's girl went to get a drink, I asked her to buy me something as well and started taking out some cash, and she said "Are you gonna pay for my drink?" I said "Hah, no". She said "Then I'm not gonna get you anything". I joked "Fine then, be that way". Radium was also getting up for a drink and I handed him some cash and asked him to get me a drink. By now, the table's left with the original couple that sat down with us first, which I now no longer believe is a couple, the girl I chatted with, and myself. I started to talk to the girl I was chatting with across the table because there's been some random seat movements among them when Radium's girl started talking to me. She chatted back with me, and I handmotioned her to come closer to me because I didn't want to shout across the table. She came over, and I saw it as a weak IOI. I ran a handwriting analysis routine, then kept on chatting with her. The girl from the "original couple" was going to the bathroom, and dragged the girl I was talking to with her. By now, both Radium and his girl came back. We all chatted for a while, she kept on fucking with us via the gay thread, and we continued chatting.

Radium's girl was asking the original guy in the group where the other two girls went, and
he said they went to the bathroom, but who knows where they are now, they might've left by now, they're flaky like that. I looked at Radium and asked him how he's doing, he said he wasn't getting anywhere, so I said "if those 2 girls don't come back in 10-15 minutes, let's leave". He agreed. The whole table chatted for a while, I pulled out my phone, pretended to answer a call, and hang up. I then said "Hey guys, remember our friends that were supposed to join us here? Well, they actually are at the bar down the street and they thought we were supposed to join them." They were like "Wow, that sucks". We exited using that excuse. I asked Radium why he told her we were gay while we walked out, he said something like "She hinted that we were, and I kinda just rolled with it".

We approached a couple more sets with some function and opinion openers, but none transitioned to anything. At the end of the night, we hit up another bar. We first went to the outside bar and saw 3 girls sitting at the bar, but were cashing out. The bartender gave me a hard time of paying using for each drink vs starting a tab and everything, the set laughed a little about it, and we opened the set. We made some intros, and one of the girl's name was "Andy". I asked so what's Andy" short for? Her friend said "Andrea" as Andy was a bit quiet, I made a joke "That's good, cuz I thought Andy was a boy's name. Her friend said something about it could be used for both sexes. They were on the way to the balcony of the bar, and left. Radium and I sat at the bar for a bit more, and decided to check out the balcony. There were sets to open other than those 3, and we sat with them again. I thought it was slightly needy, but whatever, it's the end of the night.

I started chatting with the more talkative one (HBTalkative) while Radium talked with one he later on told me was "sweet" (HBSweet). Andy, the quiet one just sat there by herself. At a conversation low-point, I looked at Andy, said with high energy
Ambiance: "What's up, everything cool? How much have you had tonight?".
Andy, saying with a bitchy/annoyed voice: "I don't know why everyone keeps asking me that, I'm not drunk!"
Radium, saying with a fake drunk slur teasing her: "I'm not drunk at all, I always talk like this"
Andy: [Started bitching about something I didn't remember at the time]
Ambiance - trying to dismiss her bitchiness as childish: " nowadays"
Andy, still angry: "How old are you?"
Ambiance: "How old are YOU?"
Andy: "I'm 22, now how old are YOU?"
Ambiance: "I'm 28"
Andy: "Well, this is a kid's table, so why don't you leave"
HBTalkative: "Yeah"
Ambiance, faking a smile, looking at HBTalkative: "Maybe I should, it was great chatting with you and have a good night".

I gave a head tilt to Radium and he looked at the table and said "Have a good night" as well, and we walked out of the bar. We laughed so hard at what just happened, and we still laugh about it every time we talk about it. I was talking about we should be more of a jackass and told them "we also sit here now, so it's an adult table, and I think you should leave" just because they were bitches. Maybe she serious was pissed, or maybe she had high bitch shield and that was a glorified all-or-nothing shit-test.

We went to a couple of more bars, approached a couple of more sets but didn't get anywhere. At the end of the night, we bumped into the guy we saw at the first bar and he was also finishing the night with Radium's girl. She talked about us being gay again, I kinda did my greeting with the guy cuz I built a little more rapport with him while we were there. Radium gave her a hug goodnight, and we ended the night there. As we were walking away:
Radium: Dude, I just acted drunk as shit and grabbed her tits during that hug.
Ambiance: Niiiiiiice, good job bro.
Radium: She definitely knows we're not gay now!
Ambiance: Good job bro. In addition to the Number close and Make Out close, we should invent one more, the "Grab her on the tits Close".

We laughed a bit at everything and then laughed some more about the 3-set we pissed off, and ended the night there.

Things I did well:

  • Split conversations in sets - After sets were opened, Radium and I always could split into mini-conversations with separate girls, instead of the whole table engaged in one conversation. But it's very dependent on seating, due to the loudness of the bar and we only could "split" into the groups that were sitting closer to one another.
Things I needed to improve on:
  • Building attraction - couldn't build attraction after sets were opened and split
  • The first bar - The first girl I was chatting with "went to the bathroom with her friend" and never came back. I should've recognized it before and attempted a number close before that
  • Not fucking with bitchy chicks - We got blown out of the last set because I started fucking with the bitchy chick. I should've let it go and not tried to engage her in anything. She would've been an obstacle in the future, but we would've went further in our set.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Friday Night Date

After totally mayoring it up last Tuesday night, I called her again for drinks. While scheduling on the phone, she said she might be a bit late, and I asked her to meet me at my place so I'm not stuck waiting on her at the bar, and she agreed. I decided to pull the David D technique, where you bring the girl into your place before the date, but rush her right out. It serves two purposes:
  1. To build trust, showing her that you're not taking advantage of the situation that you got her into your place.
  2. Setting up comfort for the end of the night - she's already been into your place, so at the end of the night when you take her back there, she'll be somewhat comfortable because she's already been there.
I live in one of those apartments that you need to get "buzzed" into the front door, and go up the stairs. Now I need an excuse for her to come on up instead me going down there and leaving for the date. I've thought of "I'm just finishing getting dressed", but that makes me sound like a girl and she shouldn't be coming up if I wasn't dressed anyway. I've asked around and a coworker suggested that I was "finishing up some work that came up". Instead of using that, I told her that I was finishing up an Email, and it worked wonders.

I asked her to sit on the couch in the living room while stepping into my bedroom to "finish my Email". My bedroom door was open, I talked to her while I typed a bunch of nothing on my keyboard. When I "finished my Email", I came out and saw her checking out my bookshelf. She joked "I'm just being nosy" and I rushed her along, "Come on, let's go". She saw my kung-fu movies and we were chatting about it. She wanted to finish checking out my bookshelf and she called me a nerd because she saw my checkers set and my book from college, "99 critical shots in pool". I came back with a neg "Hell yeah I'm a nerd, maybe you should borrow that book, you'd suck a little less in pool that way". I put out interesting magazines on my coffee table when I know a date's coming over, from travel to art magazines, but I never took the time to "optimize" my bookshelf, other than not having books about picking up women there. I saw her being nosy as an IOI, she was interested in my lifestyle, wanted to find clues on what type of a guy I am.

While we were leaving out of my apartment, I'm teasing her as usual, and she said jokingly "Fine then, maybe I should just leave". I recognized the shit test this time, and joked "Sure, maybe you should. But either way, I'm walking that way towards the bar, if you happen to leave the same direction as the bar, I'd understand".

We walked to the first neighborhood bar and had one drink each. Chatted a little, nothing special, and walked down the street for the next bar. She wanted to pay for her own drink, but I picked up the check and said "you can pay the next one". I saw a semi-upscale restaurant/bar open that I've never seen before, and I asked her if she knew of this place. She didn't, so we went into it for a drink. We looked at the menu, it's pricier than the bars around it, such as martinis are $11. She bought a $4 beer, and I got a $7 drink. We chatted a little more, and I picked up this round too because it was my idea to come and try this restaurant I've never tried before. After we walked out, I started a small DHV thread on our salary discrepancy:
Me: I should've taken a look at the menu, living this close, I definitely can imagine this place being somewhere I visit often
Her: Yeah, it looks like a nice place, I know they got pizza, I saw the waitress carry out a few of them
Me: Yeah, they do look good. Do you know if they have California Pizza Kitchen around here?
Her: I've never heard of it
Me: Well, it's an Italian food chain that I used to go to a lot, they have it in a few major cities, I was just wondering if they had it here. It's one of those places where they sell some great personal sized pizzas for $12.
Her: That's kinda pricey
Me: I guess, but their pizza's definitely worth it, I used to go there a lot when I lived in ___. Speaking of that, the last time I visited .... [ending small DHV thread, transitioned into next thread].
We went to a billiards place, and shot a few games of pool. In between, she and I walked up to the bar for a drink, and asked for the shot special they had. We each took a shot special of the night. She volunteered to pay for this one and I let her. We played a few more games of pool, and walked out. The date started around 8:45ish, and we've been out for a little over 2 hours. I just walked down the street, she asked where we were going, and I said, without hesitation, "We're going to my place and having one more drink". She said "Okay".

I arrived at my place, she went into the living room while I used the restroom. When I came out, she was browsing in my bedroom, looking at stuff on my dresser, such as my deodorant, mirror, and cologne and such. I took this as another IOI, and teased "Nosy Nosy". She said "Your door was open, and it's not like I opened any drawers or anything". I led her to the kitchen and made two low-ball semi-girly drinks in the same shaker, which should subconsciously tell her that I'm not getting her more drunk than myself. She went to use the restroom, as I put on my mood lights in my living room, and put on some soft Euro trip pop music. She came back and sat on my couch, I asked her to sit closer, and put my arms around her. She responded positively and leaned towards me, I held her in my arms. We chatted while we sipped on our drinks.
Her: I can tell that you live by yourself, your bathroom's clean too.
Me: Oh? How often do you clean your apartment?
Her: When I'm not being lazy, about every week or so.
Me: Wow, that's frequent. I clean mine about every 2 months or so.
Her: You don't mess it up either, since you live by yourself and have no pets
Me: Yeah, that's true......and well, I don't really clean mine, I have it cleaned every 2 months or so, my maid does it.
Her: I never knew anyone that has a maid.
Me: Well, when I hear the word "maid", I think of someone like "Alice" from that TV show.......what's the name of that 70's show, where two families join together as one?
Her: The Brady Bunch?
Me: Yeah, that's it. I don't have anything like that, she just comes and cleans my apartment and leaves. She's great because she doesn't bother me while she does it, she lets me work on my computer and such.
Her: Yeah, but I can't imagine paying to get my place cleaned
Me: Yeah, I guess, but it's pretty cheap, I only pay for it every 2 months or so.
I thought it was a small DHV thread about my lifestyle, and we continued chatting about things. It somehow went back to bathrooms and I said:
Me: I don't know why, but for some reason, women like to leave things in my bathroom
Her: Like what?
Me: Like shampoos and such. This girl left a bottle of shampoo in my shower, and I gave it back to her the next time I saw her. It's almost like a cat marking her spot or something
Her: Yeah, it's exactly like that
Me: But how could they tell though? I have some really metro stuff in there, how could they tell if it's left from a girl or naturally mine?
Her: What do you have?
Me: I have a Paul Mitchell shampoo right now, and some really girly body wash from Bath and Body Works. So I don't know how a girl would know the difference whether it's natually mine or if it's something left from another girl.
Her: Oh, she'll know.
Me: How?
Her: She will, trust me.
We continued chatting about random things, I think that sparked her feeling of jealousy just a little. While I had her in my arms, I tilted her head back by gently lifting up her chin, and kissed her, she responded positively. I kept on talking to her, just general chatting about life like we always do. I DO remember saying 3 fairly AFC things, but probably not in that order:
  1. I'm glad you came out drinking with me tonight
  2. You fit really well in my arms
  3. You know what, I enjoy your company
We made out a little more, I tried pursuing it more, but she brushed my hand away, she told me that she isn't having sex until she gets married. I asked her "Have you always felt that way? As in are you a virgin?" She said "Yes, but I've 'done stuff', if you know what I mean". I gave her a kiss on her forehead, "I understand, I respect that, and I don't want to do anything you're not comfortable with." She said she's comfortable in my arms, and I led her to my bedroom on the bed, "you're gonna lay down in my arms, we don't have to do anything you wouldn't feel comfortable with".

She commented on how comfortable my bed was, and I put the comforter on both of us, and said "I've always thought my comforter was the most comfortable part about my bed". As we layed on my bed, I kissed her some more, we made out. At one point, she was being aggressive and was straddling me (with both our cloths on), and was grinding me. I lifted up her shirt and said "Lift up". She lifted her arms and I took her shirt off. I unhooked her bra after kissing her a little more, took it off her arm, but I hit some LMR. She seemed to have changed her mind and covered her bra up to her chest and wouldn't let it leave her chest. Maybe it was her rule of no bra off on 2nd date, or maybe she changed her mind on something, I don't know. I tried to gently give her arms a little push so she wouldn't be holding her bra on, but she wouldn't move her arms. She put her bra back on, I held her in my arms a little longer and chatted. About 15 minutes later, she told me she was going to go. I told her "Yeah, you should", but as soon as she sits up, I grab her waste and pull her back in my arms. She smiled, layed in my arms a little longer, and said "I really should go", and I said "Yeah, you really should", and did it again. But right after I did it, I let go of her, and joked "Yeah, you should go" as I got off the bed.

I walked her down the street to her car, when she was about to get into her car, I said "Come here, you need a proper goodbye". I gave her a hug, which I squeezed her ass in the process. She smiled a little, and I told her I'd text or call her mid-next week.

Things I did well:
  • Brought her up to my apartment just to leave real quickly
  • Passed an early shit-test about her jokingly leaving
  • Fun vibe throughout the night out
  • Transitioned to my apartment at the end of the night under the assumption "that's just where we were going, no big deal"
  • Pulled out the jealousy card successfully while holding her

Things I fucked up on:
  • Couldn't break through the LMR, don't know what I could've done - maybe Style's "100% perfect girl" story could help, don't know.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Saturday Adventures

While I was at the big city over July 4th weekend, I got to hang out a little on Saturday after my Friday Night Barhopping.

I scheduled a coffee date at 4:30PM with a girl I dated a while back, and I had an hour to kill before that. I chilled out at a Barns & Noble, and my coffee date texted me around 4PM and said she won't make it till 5PM because she was getting on the metro at the time from the opposite part of the city, and asked me if that was okay. I texted back and said it's cool, and I reserved till 6PM for her.

While at Barns & Noble, I bumped into an ex coworker. She was around early to mid 30's, Asian, cute, small frame, HB6. I didn't really know her while working there much, but I'm glad I bumped into her now. I started with "Excuse me, don't you work for ____"? She recognized me and we started chatting about how my life is, etc. It turned out that she, like me, also is Chinese American, which built an instant rapport. With about 15 minutes into it, she asked me what book I was carrying in my hand. It was "The Game" by Neil Strauss. I talked about it as a fiction, about a guy learning to pick up girls and got serious into it, but eventually he met a girl he really enjoyed being around, none of his picking up gimmicks would work, and he had to "be himself", and the story had a happy ending of those two getting together.

I asked her what she was reading, she was holding a cookbook, and she said she liked looking at the pictures. After I asked her, she told me she doesn't have a husband or kids, and she doesn't cook much. I said "Maybe you can cook for me sometime", and she agreed. We talked about what we did last night, I told her I went out drinking with our mutual coworkers, and asked her if she drinks. She only does on special occasions, and I asked if me coming back a few time a year counts as special occasion, she said yes, and I got her number so I can take her out for a drink or two the next time I visit. She wrote it on my PDA, I teased her a little on her handwriting, and made her write out her Chinese name. We chatted for about 5 more minutes. I told her before hand that I'm doing coffee with a friend at 5, and I left around 4:55. This girl seemed somewhat dry and not fun, but she's the cute, sweet, first generation Chinese type.

I met up with my coffee date at 5. We chatted most of the time with her in my arms, we kissed here and there, but no making out in the coffee shop. I told her that she still felt good in my arms, and she smiled. I tried getting her to spend Sunday night with me (I already got plans with friends for that night), she said she had to work early the next day. I told her I'd take her to work, but she kept on saying no, so I backed off. I had plans for Sunday till about 8ish, I asked her if she wanted to get together, she asked "is 5PM too late", I replied that I had plans till 8PM, and she indicated that it was too late for her. We chatted a little more and we parted ways at 6PM. I would've attempted to take her somewhere private afterwards, but I didn't have a hotel room at the time, and I had plans at 6.

Things I did well:
  • Approached my ex-coworker when I wasn't sure it was her.
  • Built rapport with my ex-coworker, number closed her, set up possibilities for drinks for the next time I visit the area (a few times a year).
  • Set my boundaries with my coffee date being late - I'm only staying till 6PM, so how much time she got to spend with me depended on when she showed up.
Things I could've improved
  • Couldn't figure out a way to get my coffee date to spend the night with me Sunday night.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Friday Night, Big City - Part 2

Continuing from previous post, we arrived into the big city by metro.

Bar 2:
We went to the first bar and it was loud and nobody could hear anyone talk, so we left without getting a drink and went to the second. After standing around for a while, we stepped out to the rooftop. Most of the tables were taken, with the exception of table occupied by a 3-set. They were cute girls, and I asked them if I could sit there. The girls didn't seem to speak English well, with one of them gesturing we should sit. The girls look semi-European, with one of them wearing a French hat tilted to the side. The seat was semi-wet, she gestured I should use this sheet in one of the empty chairs. I spoke slowly (but not so slow that it's insulting) while gesturing, "is this yours?" She said "yes" in a weird tone, which I assumed was a foreign accent. I said "No, that's okay, I can get over it". I sat down and realized it was more wet for my comfort, I stood up, they laughed, I reached for the sheet, wiped my seat, and said "thank you". I took them offering the sheet as an IOI.

I shook the first girl's hand while the second girl gestured I should put it on my head. I thought it was something of their culture to prevent getting wet from the drizzling rain, but they weren't wearing any, so I said "No, that's okay". She wouldn't shake my hand and kept on gesturing I should do it. I put it on my shoulder, shook her hand, and took it off and put it back on the chair. I thought that was weird, then a light switch flipped on in my brain. "Oh fuck, that was a shit-test and I just failed it". By now, SO and J joined us, were standing around and chatting with Mustang and myself, the girls were gesturing stuff with each other via hand signals, that's when I realized the girls were deaf. They excused themselves via the excuse of giving up the seats to SO and J, gesturing they sit down, we were gesturing "No, they're your seats, you sit down", they gestured "It's okay, we're leaving". I handed the more "talkative" one (first girl that shook my hand and offered me the sheet) my card and gestured "Email me". She smiled and nodded, which I knew I wasn't going to hear from them ever again. I lost the set, SO was making fun of me saying "Wow, good job clearing the table for us. Let's see if you can approach more tables and clear them all out and we'll have the patio all to ourselves". I responded with my usual laughter and "Fuck you man, fuck you". We walked over to the other side of the bar, SO told me to go hit on this chick that's talking to a guy, I declined, and we left the bar.

We hit up another bar, this one has different rooms and each has a bar in it. I went to the bathroom and left my friends at the main bar room. On the way back, I saw a chick sitting by herself at a bar in at a side-room, which is not crowded at all. I was somewhat drunk at the time and don't really remember her much, but she was something like an HB4.5 or so, with glasses. I grabbed a drink from that bar right next to her, and started a conversation.

Me: What's up
HBglasses: What's going on
Me: What you doing here by yourself?
HBglasses: I'm waiting on my friends to show up
Me: I'm going back to my friends, they're the most awesome people, and you should join us in the mean while.

HBglasses followed me to the main bar to join my friends, intros were made, but the conversation became boring. There was a boring pause and nobody bothered to fill it with any random conversation thread, and HBglasses said "I'm gonna go back to the other bar, but I'll be back though". My friends and I chilled out there for about 7 minutes, we made the assumption that HBglasses weren't coming back, and we left the bar. The set was lost.

Our group split up. Mustang and I decided to go out to another bar in a different part of town via cab, while SO and his girlfriend J decided to go home. We hit up a rooftop bar. The setting was fun and the crowd was mixed. While Mustang went to the bathroom, I opened a set of 2 black girls. An HB8 and an HB6. HB8 was a model while HB6 worked in an office. HB6 was dressed somewhat unusual, she wore a dashiki (African dress) with American-type bracelets, the really really thin ones that you wear 15 of them on your wrist. Mustang talked to HBmodel for a little while, while I chatted with HBdashiki. Later on, HBdashiki's sister joined, and also a small framed, non-threatening gay guy joined us as well. Mustang and I engaged the whole group, the gay guy's a fashion designer and I asked him for some fashion advice. He told me my shoes (fancy dress shoes) are okay, but my khaki slacks could fit better. He said the biggest advice he can give me is "create your own style", which made absolutely no sense to me. I went to grab a drink and asked him if I could get him a drink to thank him for the fashion advice, and he wanted a cranberry juice. I returned with our drinks and continued the conversation with HBdashiki. By now, HBmodel was going to get a drink, she bragged about they know the people here and she doesn't pay for drinks, and Mustang tried to convince her to get him a drink as well, and it wasn't successful. HBdashiki and I talked about playing pool in the future, I got her number, and we shook hands. While having her hand in mine, I took one of her thin bracelets (without asking), put it in my front shirt pocket to generate a smile, and left. I doubt I'd see HBdashiki again because I hit up that city only a few times a year. I traded a handshake with the guy as well, thanked him for the fashion advice, he thanked me for the drink, all was cool.

On the way out of the bar, I opened a 4-set of white girls who also had the "body language" of not wanting to be disturbed. I basically started talking to one of the girls which got me intro's to another one. Mustang wasn't feeling the girls, so during the intro phase, he loudly said "Is this your mom?" to the girl he's making intros with, about one of her older looking friends facing the bar. The girl said "Okay, you've had enough, you should go". I laughed my ass off at his comment and said "yeah, let's go". We left that bar around 2AM.

That was the last bar we planned on hitting up. We walked in front of a jazz bar and saw a couple looking into it. Mustang approached the couple and asked them about the jazz club. They were going inside and said "Yeah, this is a nice place, you should check it out". Mustang and myself followed the couple into the jazz bar. He chatted with the couple while I was grabbing some water to finish off the night. I wasn't paying attention much, but it seems like Mustang went to use the restroom, and the girl did too, and I chatted with the girl's boyfriend for about 30 seconds. Mustang came back, and we left. Later on, he told me he got the girl's number by the bathroom area when she was away from the guy. I gave him mad props.

That was the end of the night and we metro'ed to Mustang's place and crashed. We planned not getting numbers and tried to get girls back to his place, but oh well, just gotta improve our game.

Things I did well:
  • More approaches, getting more comfortable opening sets at bar environments
  • Got more used to the "vibe" - fun, friendly, upbeat. A few times I was out of it by sitting down at a table with my friends drinking for too long, but I did the mental trick of closing my eyes with my head down for 5 seconds imagining the vibe I need to be in, then look back up and be in it, and it seemed to work each time.

Things I fucked up on:
  • Failed the "shit test" from one of the deaf girls
  • Still having trouble keeping a conversation going - some seemed "forced" while Mustang's conversation flowed really well.

Friday Night, Big City - Part 1

So I went back and visited the big city I lived in for the past 2 years. I went out sarging with my friend Mustang. My friend SO and his girlfriend J also joined us.

Bar 1:
Our first spot was a neighborhood dive bar in the suburbs - the typical white American "fratastic" type. I approached a 2-set and they weren't into it. I attempted to open with the "my friend and I were debating how long you've known each other" opener and got one word answers when I did some follow up questions. Mustang wasn't able to keep the set interested as well, so I exited with the "Thanks for settling the debate, he owes me a drink now".

I saw a girl walking through our spot saying "excuse me" to J and J moved aside for her. I stepped in J's spot blatantly stopping the girl holding up my arms somewhat like a football lineman pose preventing her from getting through, and it generated a courteous laugh from her. I said confidently and loudly pointing to my friends "What's up, these are the most awesome people I know, and you should chill with us and get to know them too". She said "Yeah, but I have to go to the bathroom, I will be back though". I gave a smile and said "Pshhhhh.....yeah, whatever, go", almost like dismissing a small child, but to my surprise, she came back and started talking to us. The 1-set was opened.

This girl's about an HB6.5, blond, fun. I negged her about 3-4 times, one after an other. At one point she didn't believe the state I was from, so I pulled out my driver's license and said "Here ya go, I got a license to prove it". She looked at it, saw my age, and the conversation continued in a playful mood:

HBblond: So you're 28, huh?
Ambiance: Yeah, how old are you?
HBblond: Let's just say I'm older.
Ambiance: How much older?
HBblond: I'm not gonna tell you that.
Ambiance: It's okay, I'm a gentleman, I'll still push you around in your wheel chair.

By now, J made a really surprise gasp, covering her mouth with her hands. I think HBblond is offended because J thought it was offensive, the type of "social proof" thing. I guess I negged her a little too much, she started talking to Mustang instead, looking over at him and say "Is your friend always this full of shit?" and continued to talk to him. I turned around from them and talked to my friends SO and J for a few seconds, turned back around, saw Mustang and HBblond having a good conversation going on, so I continued to chat with my friends and left Mustang with HBblond.

They talked for a solid 15 minutes or so, Mustang was doing great. He falsely disqualified her by saying "I don't like blonds". He attempted to make her jump through some hoops by saying "Sorry, I'm kinda thirsty and I'll only keep talking to you if you buy me a drink". She refused and said "here in America (Mustang's semi-foreign and speaks with an European accent), guys buy girls drinks". Mustang then said "Okay, let me have some of your drink then". She protested but still shared, and while chatting with her, Mustang must've finished 3/4 of the girl's drink. Mustang was doing well, kept pushing her for the drink. She kept on saying no, then Mustang kept the playful smiley vibe the whole time and told her "Yeah, sorry, I think you should go chat with the other guys instead". She reluctantly left.

I gave Mustang some props on the interaction, asked if he wants to play 1 game of pool so she can come back and find you in the next 10 minutes before we leave for the next bar, Mustang said "fuck this, let's go". I asked him why he let her go without giving her a chance to come back, there seemed to have a slight miscommunication, he was thinking I'd come back and keep chatting with her, and he was keeping her around for me. He told me I negged her too much, she was all into me until the wheel chair joke, if I would've came back and bought her a beer, she totally would've been mine. I told Mustang she didn't deserve a drink from me and I don't believe in buying girls drinks. She has to do something nice for me first, and standing around and talking to us wasn't enough.

We took the metro into the city. On the metro, 4 young looking girls were sitting next to the spot Mustang and myself were standing. They looked really young, about the age of 20, but they were dressed to go out and party, skimpy and flashy, like any college kid would dress in downtown of major cities. I knew I didn't have the time to do anything with the set, but wanted wanted to open it just for practice, get into the mood for when I went into the city. I overheard one girl calling another girl "magical", so I interrupted and said "Who's magical?" with a really upbeat vibe. One girl pointed to another and said "She is".

I looked at her and said: "You are? Me too, that's awesome, what's your magical power?".
Her: "You tell me yours first"
Me: "My power's I can tell what anyone's thinking all the time. {pause} Such as right now, you're thinking I'm full of shit and I would have to agree with you".

It generated a laugh, the set was opened. I chatted about where we were going, asked them where they were going and they replied "We're going home". I negged and said "You girls look too young be going out drinking anyway", they replied "We're 21". I said "Suuuuuure you are". I figured I couldn't do much with the set anyway and our stop was coming up next, so started chatting with Mustang and ignored the girls, and said "have a good night" to them as I was walking out of the train, into the big city.

To Be Continued

Things I did well:
  • First set - opened without fear. Didn't get anywhere, but was a good open
  • HBblond - Confident open, confident conversation. Built up my friends as "most awesome people there is" to convey that I have good social proof that I'm a good friend.
  • 4-set on metro - Thinking quickly on my feet, opened with an upbeat attitude
Things I fucked up on:
  • Set Selection - Hearing from J, the first two girls clearly didn't want to be disturbed. They were having food on a bar, sitting on a chair, faced towards each other towards the bar
  • Social Calibration - Should've stopped negging HBblond a little sooner. The anti-older-woman-defense wheel chair joke usually works well, but I think it was J's surprise gasp that made HBblond more offended than she should've been.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Tuesday night date

MM and I were supposed to go out for drinks Tuesday night, and I invited the Wed night girl along, and told her to bring friends. This way, MM and I can practice splitting the set. She called me back Monday night saying she's up for drinks, but she doesn't know if she can find someone to bring. Being the ass that I am, I gave her some small pressure to bring some friends anyway.

MM wasn't feeling well, so I left the girl a message saying he wasn't feeling well and isn't coming out, but I was still going to go out and have a drink or two because I was working late that day and will need a drink afterwards (total white lie). She's still welcome to join me if she'd like. We set up a time and place, and we met up.

The "frame" of two people getting together for drinks might be the downfall of the night, I never saw a good opportunity to make a move throughout the night.

With the social proof of the girl, I felt the "vibe" again.......super social, talking to anyone around me, etc. We started out playing a few games of pool, busted her balls a little on how much she sucked at it, did some Cocky & Funny stuff, etc. There was another couple about 10 feet away sitting on a table and we were somewhat friendly to them, especially with the vibe I have. At the end of the pool games, I asked my date "What do you think, first date or second?". She guesses second, and I said "I'm thinking first, just because of their awkwardness towards each other, and they were asking questions like 'what do you do', and stuff". As we were leaving the pool tables, I just looked at the couple with a smile, and asked "First date or second?" They said first. I smiled and said "Thanks". As I was turning away, they stopped me and ask "How'd you guess?" I told them that you guys seemed slightly nervous with your body language, and asking intro questions like "what do you do". He then asked me "What about you two?" I smiled and say "We just met". As I was walking away, I turned around and said"You guys DO make a lovely couple though". Hopefully that helped me build some dating karma, as I would like some stranger saying that to myself and my date if I was on the first date.

We left the pool table area and went to the bar for one more drink, so far we've had one each at the pool table. I tried to stay away from "get to know you" questions and tried my best to go with random threads, such as "Did anything fun today?" type. She did ask me what I do for a living. I remember last Wed night, I've told the table I was a marketing manager and joked a little about "me making all you guys spend your money" and stuff. I decided this time I'm going to answer the question with "I'm a lettuce washer for Taco Bell". She laughed, didn't really pursue it more. Throughout the night, we made jokes about it, she asked me if I get paid by the lettuce washed per pound, I said "no, per leaf", etc. But she knew I worked in an office because of the stories I tell, but it always goes back to Taco bell, "Yeah, Email and E-calendar's are such great tools, I'm so glad I got that at Taco Bell".

We drove down the street into an apartment basketball court for some "drunk basketball". I tried to do some kino stuff by "pinch on the stomach" defense and such, never really escalated intimacy. The guy working for the apartment kicked us out because we weren't supposed to be playing after 10PM talking about people trying to sleep and such. I kept the mood light on the drive back and kept joking around with her. I made sure she put on her seat belt, then she jokingly said she wouldn't wanna die in my car, I told her before she does, I should buy some life insurance on her, she said I wouldn't get anything and strangers can't just buy life insurance on one another, I told her but we're not strangers, we went out for drinks, etc. I told her in a jokingly way "Yeah, I'm not a big fan of you dying. I'm not super opposed to it, but it would totally ruin my hour", etc.

We then took a walk by a fountain with benches, we sat down on the benches and chatted a little more. We talked about some random psychology stuff, and she said in a psyc test, she subconsciously chose companionship over protection, mobility, and life needs. I then basically (in a really obvious way) put one arm around her, and jokingly said "that's awesome, I'm the perfect companion then. I won't protect you or take you places. Chances are, I'll probably leech off you too, but I'm here for your companionship". She's joked "You'd just cheer me on if I was to get mugged"? I joked "Nope, probably not that either, but I'll be right here watching you getting mugged and sit here with ya. Then I'd tell the mugger don't take her too far, cuz I'm supposed to be her companion and then I'd have to go find her". She still didn't show any IOI's, she didn't lean in when I put my arm around her, just sat up as normal etc, so after the companionship thread is over, I took my arm off and kept on joking around with her on different subjects.

Around 11:57, I decided to end the date before joking vibe dies down and things fizzle out, and I walked her to her car, traded a semi-business like half hug to end it. I told her I'll be out of town this weekend, but will call or text her next week or next weekend.

Things I did well:
  • Vibe - kept up the sociable, high energy, upbeat, funny vibe for my date and everyone I came to contact with, she was laughing and having fun the whole time
  • Didn't acted like a needy guy, talked to her like how I would with most of my friends
  • Ended the date on a fairly high note, instead of letting things die down then having her say "I need to go"
  • Didn't go into "get to know you" subjects to start with, began the conversation acting like I already knew her, asking her questions like "What's going on" and "How was your day" instead of "what do you do", but most of the "boring" subjects came out as sprinkles throughout the night so I got to know her lifestyle anyway.
  • Created the subconscious "you and I against the world" mentality - in both the guessing other couple's first or second date, and getting kicked off the basketball court.
Things I fucked up on:
  • Couldn't build much "attraction" throughout the date - don't know the formula. I'm guessing I need to rehearse some DHV stories/routines and throw in some false disqualifiers
  • Failed a "shit test" - well, probably more than one but this one I knew I failed. She says she's gonna practice and will kick my ass in pool, and I did the C&F and "Sure, I can wait 3-5 years". She then said "Okay, so I'm not gonna see you in 5 years, then come back and challenge you in pool". I said "Well, hopefully we'll still be doing drinks in between that". About 30 seconds later while she was talking about something else, I mentally said "Oh fuck, that was a shit test and I fucked it up".