Game is a social dynamic that children as well as horny adults play. Game has roots deep in the human psyche that appear at a very young age, and thus is immune to the cultural conditioning explanation. My one and a half year old nephew and three year old niece provided excellent test cases of game in action.
Even though there was a mountain of toys under the tree, some still unwrapped, and toys strewn all over the room, when my nephew saw my niece playing one particular toy with great concentration he decided that was the one he wanted, RIGHT NOW. When she wouldn't share the toy, he cried (i.e. bitched and moaned in child language).
- Game principle demonstrated: Social Proof. My nephew wanted that toy more than all the others (despite the possibility that the other toys were better) because he saw his sister having fun with it. The toy was preselected by my niece.
When I gave my niece her present, she grabbed it and shredded the wrapping into confetti. Her mom had to remind her to thank me and give me a hug, which she did... absent-mindedly and perfunctorily, like she was fulfilling a tedious social obligation.
- Game principle demonstrated: Disqualification. By freely giving my niece a gift when she most expected it, with no strings attached, I disqualified myself as a person who intrigues her. Had I qualified her first - "Hey, I don't know if you've been a good girl this year, maybe I'll give your gift to your brother instead" - she would have worked to earn my gift (i.e. compliment) and showed gratitude in the form of a genuine spontaneous hug.
Later, I was deeply engrossed in playing with the cat. It's a very fat cat that when it sits on you keeps you warm all over, like a wool blanket. My niece saw that the cat was contented, and I was completely focused on scratching it under the chin. I told her she could come and pet it if she was gentle. She bounded over.
- Game principle demonstrated: Pawning. The cat comes closest to competing with my niece for everyone's attention. She knows a competitor when she sees one. By befriending the high value cat and making it a part of my social circle, I was able to pawn it off and lock in my niece's attention.
I was watching one of the great classics on TV - Cannonball Run. My niece wanted to play "magic wand" with me again. (Previously, I let her turn me into a frog.) I waved her away. She kept coming back and I kept telling her to move away from the TV. She whined and ran right up to my face, bopping me on the head with her wand and begging me to turn into a frog.
- Game principle demonstrated: Active Disinterest. My three year old niece knows she is the cutest person in the living room. She prances like a princess. In this environment, she is a 10. I gave her an IOD (Indicator of Disinterest) when I showed more attention to the TV than her, and that motivated her to win my approval.
When I finally relented and turned once more into a frog, and made ribbit noises, she squealed with delight. She zapped me with her wand again, and I turned into a monkey. Then a dog. And a bird. Each time I imitated a new animal, she released bursts of joy. But as my list of zoo animals ran out, she began getting bored. When I half-assedly meowed like a dying cat, she said "That animal is boring. I'm bored" and haughtily walked off.
- Game principle demonstrated: Push-Pull. I spoiled my niece by giving her what she wanted. I was "pulling" her by being her dancing monkey, without pushing her away to keep her wanting more. She became bored with her expectations constantly being fulfilled.
My niece pulled out her stuffed animals and arranged them around a few dishes of my grandmother's fine china. I asked her what the toys were doing, and she said they were having a tea party. I told her the elephant would not need hands because he would suck up his tea with his trunk. Then I pretended to be each of the animals, acting out the scene in progress. "Woof, Mr. Giraffe, would you please pass the bone?" "Excuse me, Mr. Dog, but Mr. Tiger wants to eat you. He likes delicious dog meat with his tea." My niece parried my every move with a storyline of her own. The character development was better than most Hollywood blockbusters.
- Game principle demonstrated: Stimulate her emotions. I threw logic out the window and immersed myself in the stuffed animal tea party world, and my niece's excitement grew the more I built up the fantasy world. She was happy to discard logic and run wild with the animals' dialogue, no matter how little sense it made.
I told my brother-in-law that based on the toys my nephew and niece played with (lincoln logs and princess dolls respectively), there was little chance they would grow up homosexual. His lineage was safe.
- Game principle demonstrated: It's biomechanics all the way down.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Now, after learning more book knowledge, knowing more and more things I "shouldn't do", approach anxiety builds up some more. Canned openers seemed fake to me, I no longer have much confidence in it, and it projects onto the sets.
Well, I just met another aspiring PUA locally, and he's in the same stage I was when I was new to the game - the attitude of "this stuff rocks", super confident in his openers, and opens sets semi-consistantly because of it.
Axe, as of 12/27/08:
- has his "basics" down (body language, grooming, dressing, etc)
- great confidence
- In good shape, physique wise
- easy rapport
- fearless openners
- can keep a conversation going if needed to
- pre-selection DHV routines
- lack book knowledge
- doesn't have enough routines in his rappateur
Being extremely new at the game, he's off to an extremely good start. I'm sure he will improve on his weaknesses with a lot of experience. If he sticks to this hobby and not be content dating instead after he finds some success (like me), he'll be an extremely compitent PUA.
Seems like he did a review of me as well in a local forum:
Ambiance and I met up at Starbucks around 3:50 pm . I was surprised when I met Ambiance he displayed a very cool and relaxed feel when he came by to greet me as I was already at the coffee shop, pretending to be interested in the book I was reading. He called my phone and waved I looked up sup Ambiance whats up. He kept good posture and a very calm aura, in my opinion representing a very Relaxed Alpha Male. He went to get his drink and I sat there a while longer of course always looking for possible sets or prospects to work with.
As he came and sat down down he leaned back kept his head up, he had a well groomed hair style and a clean look...We made general chit chat. He asked me a lot of questions, knowing that I was very new to "The Game."
He had a lot of book knowledge and was very humble in the conversation; I think he was there encouraging me a little bit more than just asking.
I don't know if he was really as impressed with my desire to expand into the lifestyle of a PUA or intrigued. I told him about some of the recent situations with my small field work and he started explaining to me what I was doing in the terms of a PUA; I am running wide open past signs that I can't read because I'm moving to fast. He just slowed things down a little bit a recapped what I had ran pass, it was a lot of great information.
I saw a girl, I recognized her, from ____ high school 2001... Ambiance was talking and I said sorry man I am not trying to be rude I just know that girl I think... "He said there is only one thing to find out." awesome motivational statement he couldn't have said it better. Now I break the 3 second rule I actually try to figure out how I want to approach and such because I am new and I don't really have a real approach I just have a jumble of information that I throw into the mix ... (this is great kills my anxiety)
Approach: Hey! did you go to ___? yes I start talking to her she draws in closer. I keep the conversation flowing now that opener was just laid down before you don't mess it up lol. I started chatting a little asking her how she was blah blah blah THEN! Ambiance "hey man I need to get going", firm hand shake..awesome to set up a story for time constraint if I need it, gave me social status and he kept his coolness around him. Aight man it was nice meeting you. I turned back to Heather, I got my phone out opened it put it in front of her as she was trying to put her coffee insulter on and I continued with a story about Mr Abraham quit blah blah blah. She said she might have a new job out of town soon was in for the holidays I wished her luck on that and she was trying to bitch test me I believe that she was running that responce at me to see my reaction if I would rush a meeting, I acted like I didn't care like I had to go as well... THANK YOU Ambiance great job.
I left and called Ambiance up, of course I knew what he did it was my first time ever being out with a real wing man, fellow PUA, (I still consider myself an AAFC) What he did was natural and genius and the same thing I would have done if I had been him. So on our parts we both get level ups there I would imagine.
I look forward to hanging out with more of you guys in efforts to improve all of our game together.
Till Next Time
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Well, Roosh has the solution - but it takes all of our effort. Stop playing it safe, stop acting "socially accommodating" and join Roosh in his quest to change the dynamics of the sexual economy in the US.
The way to end cockblocking in the United States came to me in a dream. I woke up and immediately grabbed a pen so I wouldn't forget something that could change the lives of millions of men.
If you get cockblocked by a girl, you need to respond by shaking her core so hard that she hesitates doing it ever again, like a mouse who hits the wrong lever and gets the shit zapped out of him. No jokes and no wit—you gotta get dirty.
This is what you must say to the cockblocker. Say it with a stern tone, like a parent scolding a child.
"Did you really just do that? I'm being friendly and respectful to your friend and you rudely interrupt. Did your parents teach you to be anti-social like that?"
Then shake your head and turn your back on her. Don't engage her in a conversation or even act like you hear her response. She no longer exists.
This ruins her night, completely. Girls are emotional creatures and it takes them a very long time to get over getting called out like that. To top it off, girls absolutely hate it when you don't allow them to respond. They are so used to getting in the last word in their arguments with men (they are addicted to closure, remember), that she will be thinking of what happened for a long time to come.
I was talking to a girl and mid-sentence out of nowhere this bitch rolls up between us and starts yapping her mouth. I tap her on the shoulder and she turns around. With a straight face I said, "You see we're talking here, right?” She gave me a stunned look and immediately stormed off. Her friend gave chase to console her.
Do you think she interrupted another conversation that night? I don't think so. She probably went home to call her beta hanger-on for support.
If every guy calls out a cockblocker just once a month, I'm confident it will cease to exist in a year or two. I'm dead serious. Girls will continue to cockblock as long as there is no punishment for doing so, and since it's against the law to slap her upside the face, you have to use words. But it's important you don't use profanity or call her names because then she won't take you seriously. Be mostly respectful so she can't immediately write you off as an asshole. You're a good guy who is shocked and appalled by the rudeness you were just victim to. You don't believe what the world is coming to.
It's our fault that girls cockblock. We've been letting them get away with it for so long that girls know there is absolutely no cost for them to block. We stand there with dumbfounded looks on our face while she gets satisfaction that her friend is going home alone just like her. It's time to let them earn that cockblock.
Here are the keywords to remember: respectful, rude, interrupt, anti-social. I don't care if I get kicked out of bars but I'm going to ruin her night, and she's going to think twice about doing it again. Worthless bitch.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
The first girl I number closed was a cashier in a downtown market. Cute, but supposedly taken (had a boyfriend). For some reason, she offered me her Email address and phone number "to keep in touch".
My second encounter was an interesting one. I was sitting at a sushi bar and a cute, older woman sat to my left. She seemed refined, around the age of mid-30's and had the "not to be bothered" vibe. I ignored her for a while, while getting my food and Saki. The Saki bottle was bigger than expected, so I was planning on taking some back to the hotel.
After "being normal" for about 10 minutes, I decided to attempt the same opener about me being in town for the weekend and wanted to "ask a local" about her opinions. She was receptive, and the set was opened. I asked her what rent prices are around here, especially an apartment by the beach (to convey that I'm a fun guy). I also DHV'ed by telling her what I did for a living, and asking questions such as "As a single guy, how much would I need to make here to be super comfortable, as in to be able to go out 4 nights a week, and randomly drop $50 each time without thinking twice about it? Something like $80k or something like $150k?" This conveyed the lifestyle I currently live and sub-communicated that "I'm not rich, but I make good money".
About 5 minutes into the conversation, I decided that she's pretty cool, so I offered her some alcohol. "Would you like some Saki? I can't possibly finish it myself" then showing her the big bottle I got. With slight hesitation, she said "Well, yeah, sure, why not." I asked for another Saki glass, and we started drinking together. I took Saki periodically in a shot-like manner, but she consistently sipped on it.
I asked her what she does, and she said she was an artist. She draws from live, pictures, or memory. So I went with a quick compliance test - I asked her to draw a 30 second characture of me from memory, as I turned facing the other way. She drew something quick on a napkin, and said "the biggest thing that stood out for me was your hair".
I made a comment about her signature, and that started my handwriting analysis routine, and she wrote a small sentence for me to analyze.
She seemed to enjoy it, so I followed it up with the cube game routine. I got her attention and her interest. IOI's were flying everywhere from her. She wanted to know all about me. We started chatting about dating and relationships, and she turned out to be married. Without a ring on her hand, maybe she said it to turn me off, but I genuinely believed she was married because I asked some more questions about it and she seemed natural about it.
At the end of the meal, I showed her my mood ring on my finger that I got at the souvenir shop, and asked her if she knew much about mood rings. She said no, and asked what the current colors meant. My response was "It shows excitement, intrigue, but also disappointment". It generated a smile from her. I then followed up by showing direct interest, "If you were single, I'd definitely invite you for a drink in my hotel room". She smiled, and seemed appreciative that I was interested.
I ended my meal by paying for my check, and we ended the night with a hug. Great experiences in San Diego.
- Women in San Diego have less bitch shield than women in the small town I currently live in - either that or I can attribute it to my "I'm only here for the weekend" opener
- I need to have a true "need" to run day-game well, and it needs to be a "need" that takes more than 20 seconds to solve (such as asking for directions)
- New routines around the mood ring sounds intriguing, I should start perfecting it
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
The Unjaded Youth
So I'm taking a trip to the LA / San Diego area over Thanksgiving break. I'm excited because it's my first time visiting the SoCal area. While waiting at the airport, a young, cute girl asked both myself and the guy next to me if we were going to Minneapolis, our connecting stop. We both said yes. She said "Yeah, my connecting plane boards 10 minutes before this one is scheduled to land". I asked "going to LA?". She said yes, and asked me if I was doing the same thing, I said "yes", and the conversation was started among the three of us.
I mostly sat back and kept on playing with my phone while the guy next to me chatted with her. They mostly went through the "rapport building" stuff, told each other where they were from, etc. She seemed receptive and didn't have a bitch shield on, and the conversation between the guy and the girl went on for about 20 minutes. The news came - the flight was delayed an hour and they changed the gate. The guy and his friend went to the other gate, and I struck up a conversation with the girl.
Me: So what type of shows do you guys do? (She travels to do comedy shows, and sets up the stage and all)
Her: We do skit comedy about dating and relationships
Me: So how long do the shows usually last?
Her: About 2 hrs, but you don't really notice it because it's really funny and interesting
...[some more rapport building question about the show]...
Me: So being in a show about dating and relationships, does it make you jaded about the whole relationship in general?
Her: What do you mean?
Me: Well, in the past few years, I've dated a lot of women. The more women I dated, the more I seemed to be able to streamline the process, making each one even more unspecial. Do you know what I mean?
Her: Yeah, I'm currently waiting, I let Crist guide my life and I feel like I will find that special somebody.
The conversation continued. Instead of chatting about boring rapport building stuff, she and I chatted about relationships, more of what people are looking for in life. I didn't try to close her, she isn't from the city I'm from and she seems pretty clear on what she wants (at age 19), and I certainly am nothing like what she's looking for.
My Analysis of her:
- Out going
- No bitch shield
- Not judgemental (especially when I told her I'm looking for and always had mLTR's)
- Young, cute
- Can take a joke (when I negged about not liking her name, so I'm gonna call her "Kim" from now on, it's one of my fav names for women)
- Her youthful body language - the body language of a teenager, from laying down on 2 adjacent airport seats to sitting on her chair Indian style.
- Religion as ideal and reasoning, "I'm not dating because God doesn't want me to date right now"
- Has a "top 10 list" of what she wants out of her future husband - setting herself up for disappointments
- Thinks she knows exactly what she wants at age 19.
Friday, October 24, 2008
The girl closest to me playfully said "damn Asians" (I happen to be Asian). I ignored it and took slight offense. After getting my drink, I looked at Radium, he has his set engaged. I wanted to eject the set because of the Asian remark the girl I was talking to made, but I didn't want to drag Radium out of the set because he was doing well. I told him "I'm going to go play some pool, I'll be right back". I left, the pool table was being used, so I went sitting at a different bar inside the building, and started chatting with the bartender. My drink was finished, so I thought I'd come up and check on Radium, he still had his target engaged, was telling DHV stories and the whole deal, so I ordered another drink at the bar they were sitting at. I faced straight at the bar the whole time, a smile on my face because I felt like it was necessary in order to not blow Radium out of his set. The bartender took a while to get my change back, and the whole time I showed the whole set IOD's. My original targeted tried to start chatting with me, but I politely smiled and answered her questions as I was waiting on my change, almost like a male version of the "bitch shield". I waited on my change, tipped the bartender, and politely walked away again.
Later on, Radium joined me in the other bar after he number closed his target. As we were leaving the place hitting up the next bar, he asked me what happened. I told him about why I ejected, and Radium told me "Dude, she's Asian herself". Wow, it seems like me being unaware of random stuff has really bit me in the ass this time, she was simply trying to build rapport with the "Damn Asians" comment. Radium then told me she was married anyway.
Lingering thought: Did my target show interest in me because I showed her absolutely no interest at all, and this is one of those "wanting what they can't have" things? Or did she show me fake interest so I wouldn't drag Radium away from his target? Almost like a female version of a "wingman"?
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Example of Radium's direct game:
- [Directly look at the girls, speaking in a smooth, interested voice]
- Hey girls, what's going on. So what're your names? [wait on answer]
- Awesome, I'm [insert name].
- So where're you girls from? [wait on answer]
- That's awesome, I'm from [insert location].
- So are you going to college there? [wait on answer]
- Cool, what's your major? [wait on answer]
- [insert a 15 second comment about when he was in college].
- [ask next comfort building question]
Example of my indirect game:
- [Walking by a couple of girls, quick stop looking over the side of the shoulder, body language being a an angle, speaking in an extremely casual voice]
- Quick question, my friend and I made a bet. I lost and have to dye my hair. Is it acceptable for me to dye my hair black (I have natually black hair)?
- Awesome, I knew you girls would agree with me, thanks (or "Oh? Why not? I AM gonna dye my hair, he just didn't specify the color).
- [Interrupting whatever the girl's going to say next] Your nose wiggles when you talk, did you know that? Go ahead, what were you saying?
- [transitioin into DHV story]
Our philosophies on direct game:
Me: Going after them directly and showing too much interest in the girls(before they're interested in me) lowers my value. "I" approached "them", I'm more interested in them than they are interested in me. I'm after them, they know it, therefore I'm starting off with a handicap of the perceived (maybe subconscious) thought of "they're better than me", and "they have higher social value than I do".
Radium: I am great at building rapport, and they love talking about their favorite subjects - themselves. Women always tell me I'm a great listener because I let them yap on about themselves.
Personally, I think if done correctly, both work, and both work well. The main difference is the opener. At a certain point in pick-up, you're supposed to show interest, no matter what type of game you run. Here are some techniques to pull both off during the beginning phases of each game type:
To build attraction via direct game:
- Sub-communicating sincerity
- Strong intent
- Body language and directness showing high value
To build attraction via indirect game:
- Sub-communicating playfulness
- False Disqualification (through words or body language)
- DHV stories
Friday, September 26, 2008
Seems like now I have to go out sarging more often and replace her. As my game evolves, I need to learn how to prolong casual relationships with exclusive relationship seeking women before they walk away. Such a predictable cycle:
- "the talk"
- settling on the girl's part (on the type of relationship)
- girl stops settling and walks out
- sarging to replace her
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Text-book David D 3-minute number close technique - quick intro, spend 3 minutes chatting, quick exit, turn around to leave, take 1 step, turn back around, "hey, do you have Email?" Women in major cities usually do have Email and usually don't mind giving them out due to the lack of intrusiveness, and while they're writing down their Email, say "write your number below that as well", their subconscious thinks "I'm writing down my Email, number's the same thing", and that's how numbers are gotten quickly.I number-closed a cashier yesterday, using a variation of the technique above. This was a technique I've been using for more than a year or so, before I got into the community. Such a shame, that after all these "seduction training" and book knowledge, the one that brought success was actually something I used a year ago. Could it be a sign that my skills really isn't improving much?
It was a Saturday morning, 11:30AM at CVS drug store. I needed some cash so I dropped by to buy a bag of chips, and used my debit card. It was in a fairly ghetto part of town, the cashier looks young, African American, really thin, cute body, somewhere between 18-21, HB6-7.
Me, while paying: What's the max amount of cash I can take out?She wrote down her number and name (which was the first time I found out what her name is). I told her mine, and I wished her a good day and left the store.
HBcashier: Um........a hundred, maybe two hundred?
Me: Well, I'll take a hundred back then, don't need two hundred right now.
HBcashier: Okay, have a good day
Me, finished paying, nobody else in cashier line, slight body rock: So how early did you have to get up to work here?
HBcashier: I was here at 8 this morning
Me: Wow, that sucks. I remember working for Circuit City, they wanted me to get in early on Saturday too, but I'd always go out and party Friday night, and get to work at 11AM, and tell my manager "yeah......sorry..........I tried".
HBcashier, small laugh: Yeah, I'm trying to make some extra money
Me: Oh? What would you do with the extra money that you make?
HBcashier: I wanna go travel
Me: That's awesome, travelling's great, isn't it? Where have you been to this year?
HBcashier: Myrtle beach
Me: Yeah, I'm thinking of going to the beach in the next few weeks, but I don't know if I'll get to go this year, the weather's getting cold.
. Where do you want to go?
Me: You know what, I've never ever been to Chicago. What's in Chicago?
HBcashier: I don't know, just seemed like a fun city to go, it's just there
Me: Never thought about it like that, great idea. I'll definitely have to check out Chicago sometime.
HBcashier: Yeah, totally.
Me, quick body rock, turn back around: Hey, are you single?
HBcashier: Yes, I am
Me, handed back my receipt: Write down your number here, and we'll chat about Chicago sometime.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
I arrived 5 minutes before Radium, trying to be super social, and started chatting with the bartender at the hotel bar. Radium joined us, we chatted for a bit. There was a female bartender and a male bartender that's occasionally dropping by. I asked for a Mojito from each, and negged the female bartender about the male bartender making better Mojitos, we asked if there're other bars in the hotel, she directed me to other ones, we chilled out and chatted for about 15 minutes longer. Radium and myself both finished our drinks, and I negged the female bartender by loudly (and obviously loudly) talking to Radium, "Dude, let's go check out the other bar, our bartender's kinda annoying". She gave us a smile after hearing it, and we left for the next bar in the hotel.
We went to another bar, which we got greeted by 5 different employees at the same time at the entrance of the bar area. I made a joke about it, telling them how special I feel, I stood next to them acting like I was going to greet somebody as well, and said "I just want someone else to feel a little more special, so I'm going to join you guys for the next greeting", obviously I only stood there for 3 seconds, long enough to generate a laugh, and sat at the bar.
I ordered a drink, the bartender chatted with Radium and myself for a little bit, I started with quick small negs, the bartender seemed a bit more interested in talking with us.
I needed to use the restroom, asked for directions, and passed another bar on the way to the restroom. The bartender is standing around next to the bar entrance, because her whole bar's empty. She's in her early to mid 30's, blond, cute, about a 7 (out of 10). I smiled at her, she smiled back, I kept on walking to the bathroom. On the way back, I stroke up a conversation:
Me: What you up to?I got back from the bathroom to rejoin the bar, my drink was still there, untouched (hopefully), I negged more and more, then asked some opinion about women then how old she is.
HB7: Nothing really, nobody's here tonight
Me: Awwwww......I'd totally hang with you for a drink if my friend and I aren't already sitting on the other bar.
HB7: I understand
Me: I'll talk to you later (then a small tap on the shoulder)
HBbartender:I'm 23Generated a quick laugh from the bartender, conversation kept on going, I negged more and more. At one point, she said "okay, I'm not gonna talk to you for 10 minutes" while still chatting with Radium due to my over-negging. I said "Okay, cool". I stood up with my drink in my hand, and walked away, to the other bar where HB7 was bar tending.
Me, playfully: Oh, wow, sorry, I no longer want to know what you think about it now, not that you're not important, but it's just not important to me because I usually date women in their early 30's.
HBbartender: How old are you?
I sat down at her bar, told her that my friend is trying to talk to the bartender, so I'm gonna leave them alone, and now I'm here to chill with you. She seemed receptive, which she has to be because she's the bartender and I'm the only person at her bar. She asked about my story, I talked about myself for a few minutes, I asked about her story, she talked about herself for a little while, we talked about common interests, all the local fun hangout places, etc.
We chatted more, I tell her I'm a fairly perceptive person, and gave her a really "interested, but analytical" stare for about 10 seconds, with my hand on my cheek and everything. She asked if I know anything about her by just looking at her for that long, I said "no, but I can tell you a lot about yourself if you wrote down your signature". She did, it transitioned into a handwriting analysis routine, at the end, I asked "so from a scale of 1 to 10, how close was I?". She said "8 or 9", continued to be surprised about how close I was, etc, so I said "here, let's give this psyc test a try, it'll tell me even more about you as a person, imagine a cube ..." I transitioned into a the cube game routine, built more comfort and value as I was "telling her about herself as a person, subconciously" while asking her more questions about her, and here's the horse part:
Me: So you imagined a unicore, which makes me think that you're looking for something super special, almost a guy that's too good to exist.So that set was wasted, I finished the cube routine, chatted with her for a bit while finishing my drink that I brought over from the other bar, and asked for a water. She handed me a water, I left her a nice tip, estimated it's been about 30 minutes already, said my goodbyes, and went back to the bar Radium was at.
HB7: Well...........that's not true..........I like all the guys in my past
Me: Do you feel like most aren't good enough for you though? Like you're slightly better than all the guys you dated?
Me: It's okay if you do, cuz I feel like that sometimes
HB7:And why do you feel that way? Do you feel like you're more intelligent? Better looking? Make more money?
Me: Yes, I don't know, and yes. I also feel like I'm more travelled, more cultured, more open minded, etc. So you don't feel like your dream guy's too good to exist, huh? So are you currently in a relationship?
Me: How long have you guys been together?
HB7: 6 years.
Back to Bar 2:
By now, Radium had built some comfort with HBbartender. I went back with my new-found water from the other bar, and said:I kept on chatting for a little while, asked Radium if he was ready to leave, he said "yes" and he went for a number close. He wasn't successful, but the bartender wanted him to come back, and said "I'll be here the next 3 days". While leaving, I asked:
Me: Your coworkers are some of the most awesome people ever.
HBbartender: Yeah, those are some great people (pointing to the hostesses in the same bar)
Me: No I was actually talking about the bartender at the other bar (pointing down the hall, basically gave her a "I had a lot more fun chatting with her than you" hint)
HBbartender: Oh, our bars don't really intermingle much, I've seen her, but I don't really know much about her.
Me: Wow, such a shame, you totally should. She's nice, intelligent, well cultured, well travelled, and really pretty. Too bad she's in a 6 year relationship, I totally would've given it a try if she wasn't.
Me: From a scale of 1-10, how nice of a guy do you think my friend is?
HBbartender: Like a 9 and a half
Me: Okay, from a scale of 1 - 10, how nice of a guy was I being tonight?
Me: Hmmmmm......like a 2-3?
HBbartender: Yeah, but you said it, not me.
Me: That's cool, I don't take offense. So from a scale of 1 - 10, how much of a jackass was I being tonight?
Me: Like 8 or 9?
HBbartender: Yeah, I'd say so
Me: Appreciate it. Have a good night.
Things I did well:
- First bartender, negged a little about her mojito
- When 2nd bartender "stopped talking to me", I didn't just sit around looking like I'm not having fun, "being punished on time-out", I went out and showed her that I had even more fun
- Came back and talked about all the great qualities about the other bartender (competition, jealousy)
- Fun, interesting vibe
- Over-negged, can't judge the cue of when I should stop negging.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Okay, 2-set, HB6 and 8, straight ahead, I should open. I can't walk directly over, it shows intimidation. I need to think of an excuse to walk past them and "randomly" stop and ask an opinion opener. What can I do to walk over there casually without looking like I walked over just to approach them? what opener should I use? Oh crap, I looked at them too long, staled out the set, lost the "spontaneous" of the approach, this one's burnt, I shouldn't be opening this set now.
For the past 3-4 weeks, I felt like I was "getting into my own head" too much as I acquired more book knowledge. It gave me lots of approach anxiety which led me to not open sets at all. That was, until last Wednesday night. Radium and I went out sarging Wed night. We planned to hit up this local wine bar due to their half-off wine special. On the way walking there, I wanted to start being talkative to strangers, so I went with a functional opener with 2 girls walking the same direction, but somewhat behind us.
I stopped and waited 5 seconds for the girls to catch up to us, and said "Excuse me, do you girls know where Cafe [name] is?" They didn't know, and Radium asked "where're you two girls going?" The more talkative one said "we're going to [club name]", and Radium started talking about his awesome experiences in that club, the set was opened. By then, we were walking 2x2 on the sidewalk, Radium walked beside the more talkative one and I walked beside the less talkative one behind them. I looked at my target as Radium and his target were talking about the club, and we exchanged a smile. I asked her for her name, and started talking to her. She doesn't come out much because she has a baby (she's between 18 and 21 yrs old), we briefly chatted about her baby, how cute they are, built some small rapport. We arrived at the club the girls were going to within 3 minutes of chatting, and we shook hands with the girls before we kept on walking towards the wine bar. This helped curing my approach anxiety.
We arrived at the wine bar. We grabbed drinks, walked over to somewhere within proximity of a 2-set, chilled out for a while, chatting, laughing, having a great time. I opened the set with a quick opinion opener: "Hey guys, quick question. He and I made a bet over a game of basketball, and I lost, which means I have to dye my hair. Is it acceptable to settle the bet by me dying my hair black (I have naturally black hair)? The set was opened. One of them is actually a hair stylist, she said it wasn't acceptable, she talked about all the different ways I could streak my hair, etc. She gave me her business card to her salon, and told me to go there when I dye my hair. The whole time, we were talking about the bet and my hair, conversations died down, and we ejected.
We got another drink, came back and the other set was gone, and did the same thing with another 2-set. Radium opened with the same opener as before, but he was more aggressive with his voice tone and body language as he delivered his opener. The set didn't seem very receptive, we got an answer to the opinion opener and we ejected. Radium and I chatted a little about body language and aggressiveness.
As we left the bar, and went through a small park, we saw two fat chicks. I said in a really low voice to Radium: "Dude, I think we'll have to skip this set, I don't think I can bring myself to opening this one, even for practice". Radium opened the set anyway using the same opinion opener. We chatted, and I paid special attention to transitioning. The set seemed receptive, volunteered information, transitioning was fairly natural. A dead end came to the conversation, Radium picked it up with some "boring" questions, such as "where're you from, do you go to school, etc" and the conversation continued. I did a few transitions, multi-threading, etc. The conversation came into another stop, I said "well, it was great meeting you two ladies, and I wish you a good night". We ejected from this set as well.
As we walked down the street to the next bar, we were within proximity of another 2-set, and Radium opened using the same opinion opener. The four of us walked the same direction for a small while. Conversation died down a bit, Radium asked "life questions", and found out the girls were joining the military, Radium picked up the conversation with his experiences at the military, giving the girls advice about it. We stopped at our bar, said our goodbye's, and the set kept on walking to their cars.
- The Good: No more approach anxiety, opened sets fairly confidently
- The Bad: Still having trouble keeping the conversation going smoothly, transitioning from one topic to another, etc.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
- Easy success
- Tough to replicate
- Doesn't help much with overall experience
- Comes from chess term, where you beat the opponent in 2 (or 4) moves.
So now there's a new girl in my life that I met through networking game. Networking game as in an acquaintance of a friend, and we met in a social gathering which my friend attended. I number closed and time-bridged our first date to be watching the Olympic basketball game at my place.
- Time: 10AM on a Sunday morning.
- Place: My place.
I spent the entire day with her and she invited me to sleep over her place that night which I did. We had "the talk" about what we're looking for in life. She's looking for a relationship but I'm not looking for anything exclusive. The idea of "dating around" seemed foreign to her, but she seemed okay with it, for now. I basically told her "I don't want to stop you from finding your prince charming because I'm not looking for anything exclusive, but until you find that prince charming, we can spend time together".
I've been spending about 2 nights a week with her for the past 2 weeks. She boosts my temporary happiness, but I feel like I cheated. I obtained her through networking game and not cold approach, and this experience does very little helping me improve my overall game.
Friday night date highlight:
On the date before that, I timebridged her to do Saki with me Friday night because a local Japanese restaurant has Saki specials on Friday nights. I told her to bring a change of cloths if she wanted to. I also jokingly asked if she snored when she sleeps, she said sometimes, and I said something like "if you wake me up with your snore, I'll randomly touch you so you can't sleep either". Stage was set, expectations were set.
On Friday, I got a flake attempt, she had a migraine. I offered to go over her place and bring some food so we don't have to go out, she accepted. It was somewhat of an AFCish thing to do, but I felt like it was "the right thing" to do, and it confirmed that she really did have a migraine, it wasn't a random flake so she can go do other things. After dinner when I randomly squeezed her ass, she said something like "I don't know how to say this without being awkward, I don't know what you were expecting tonight, but I can't because it's my time of the month". I gave her a kiss on the forehead and said "It's okay, like I always say, I don't wanna do anything you're not comfortable with".
Later on, when we were just chatting, I jokingly said "fuck you" like I always do.
Kim: Not tonight
Me: But future nights?
Me: Aren't you a virgin?
Me: Aren't you saving yourself for marriage?
Kim: No, I'm just tired of dating assholes
Me: I understand, but if you saved yourself all this time, I don't wanna be the guy that ruins it for you
Kim: You're talking as if that was sacred
Me: I understand
I kept on chatting with her. From the looks of it, she's considering losing her virginity to me. I don't even know if that's something I'd want to do - I feel guilty taking something from her that she can't restore, and she saved it all this time. But then again, it could be a random lead-on. I have a friend who met this new girl, who always sends him text messages and talks about "I'll tie you up" and "I'd spank you", but when he isolated her in his apartment, he didn't get anywhere at all. That made me slightly jaded about women and their (potentially false) sexual hints.
On the last date with her (following Monday night), I said something like "Yeah, I was making plans for this week and made plans for Tue - Thu, and I'm going out of town for the weekend. I realized that I didn't make plans to see you, and really wanted to see you this week, so I appreciate you coming out with me tonight". About 15 minutes into the date, I decided that I was too needy, too attached, and too AFC. So I mentally convinced myself to not like her much and pull back from this. I acted really indifferent and non-needy. When the conversation died down, I was not picking up the conversation during our dinner at a local deli and she had to start new conversation threads after 10 seconds of silence. We were going to go grocery shopping afterwards, I didn't offer to drive her to the store down the street, I just said "I'll meet you at [store name]. After we paid for our groceries at different lines, I didn't offer a goodnight hug like I normally would, no time-bridge to next date, I just walked to my car, said "have a good night", and Kim seemed slightly surprised. I didn't really care much for her surprise because I've already mentally telling myself that I no longer like her as much as I did before, and was prepared to not call her for a week and a half (I have plans every night for a week anyway).
To my surprise, she called me the next day at 6PM and left a message inviting to a baseball game that she's going to with her friends. I called her back:
Me: I wish you would've asked me before I made plans for this week
Kim: You know I don't like planning ahead, you're lucky I didn't ask you an hour before the game started
Me: Yeah, sorry, I got plans to go out drinking w/ some friends. You're welcome to join us for a drink or two afterwards
Kim: Well, I'll be with friends, I'll see what they want to do. I'll give you a call if we're joining you guys for drinks
Me: Sure, what time does the baseball game end?
Kim: Around 10-11.
Me: Yeah, we'll definitely be out drinking during those times, just give me a call if you want to join us.
We ended the call on that note, it'll be interesting to see if she's joining my friend and I for a drink while we go out sarging.
Things to Wonder About:
- After 5-6 dates, is it okay to be a little AFCish and a little needy?
- Her losing her virginity to me - random lead on or is she being sincere?
- Did she invite me to the baseball game (asked me out instead of me asking her out) because she sensed me withdrawing my attention and interest?
- Her inviting me to a baseball game this coming Thursday night - random shit-test? I've already told her I've got plans for the rest of the week.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Me: That's your #32
Kim really believed me and was starting to eat it
Me, stopping her: Wow, I was just kidding, it's condiments.
Kim: Hey, if you say that was the #32, I was gonna believe you
Me Joking: Yeah, that would've been funny, but the reason I wouldn't let you do that wasn't for you, I just didn't want to be out of condiments when my food arrives.
Kim Joking: So you saved me from eating those not because you're a nice guy, but your own selfish reasons.
Me Joking: Yeah, totally.
We kept on just talking and joking and having fun with things. After dinner, I drove us both back to my place, and said "come on up with me". She said "Okay, only for a little while because I have to get up early tomorrow". I said "Yeah, I know, I have to get up early too because [inserted random lame excuse for having to get up early]". We kissed on the couch a little, she still did the quick kiss and lean away thing, but I held her head confidently, "here, this is how you should kiss". I made sure she couldn't lean away, she seemed to be okay with it.
I transitioned her into the bedroom, and took off her bra and shirt. I wasn't in a hurry, she put up some early resistance and covered her bra manually to her chest, but I respected it, but eventually she pulled her arms away from her body and I told her that her body's beautiful. She seemed really ticklish, probably from being somewhat new and nervous to my touch. I tested a few spots and realized she really was ticklish. She was okay with my hand resting still on her breast, but when I caressed her body, such as her stomach, it made her giggly. I pull off her jeans, but she held onto her underwear when I pulled it off, and I respected that too. She seemed giggly when I tried to rub between her legs through her underwear as well, so I didn't push it much.
I had some kind of an AFC talk with her, which I got "real".
Me: What do you want?
Kim: What do you mean, what do I want right now? What do I want in life? What do you mean?
Me: I meant with us. Are you looking to get married with kids? Looking for a serious relationship? Multiple longterm relationship? Dating around? Fuck buddy? What do you want?
Kim: I don't know, what do you want?
Me: Well, I'm not looking for anything exclusive right now, but I don't wanna be your fuck-buddy cuz I DO enjoy spending time with you outside the bedroom. What about you? What do you want?
Kim: I don't know, I wouldn't mind being married, I wouldn't mind having a boyfriend, I wouldn't mind anything, I really don't know.
Me: I understand, we don't have to decide on anything now.
We kept on chatting, talking about random stuff while I had her in my arms. I also remember chatting about this thread:
Me: Are you comfortable?
Me: You sure? Cuz the last time we did this, I felt like I made you feel uncomfortable, that's why you flaked out on me the next time
Kim: I really wasn't feeling well
Me: Oh? I saw you in a bar the next day
Kim: That was the next day. I don't flake out.
Me: I understand, I just assumed it was a random flake-out, if I knew you really weren't feeling well, I'd drop by and bring you some soup or something.
I also remember acting somewhat "needy", I remember holding her on my bed and she said she needed to use the bathroom
Me: Nope, you don't get to go, I like holding you.
Kim: I AM coming back
Me: I know, but still, I like holding you right now, so you don't get to go.
Obviously, I let her go to the bathroom, but I might've seemed somewhat needy. The date ended well, and at the end of the date I tried to timebridge it into a Friday night date.
Me: Got plans Friday night?
Kim: My cousin's coming over with her kids and using our apartment pool, I really don't know when it'll end
Me: I'm going to [bigger city I spend a lot of weekends in] over the weekend, was thinking about Friday night, but I can go on Saturday if you think it'll end around 8-9ish and would like to get together Friday night.
Kim: Yeah, I really don't know, my cousin's the type of person that'll come by just to say hi and stay for 4 hours, so I really don't know.
Me: That's cool, if you think it'll end early, get back to me by Friday at noon, if not, I'll be making plans in [bigger city] for Friday night. If not, let's do dinner Tuesday night if you're available
Kim: Yeah, but I can't stay out late, gotta get up early on Wed
Me: Yeah, I'm thinking of 7ish, I got plans to go out drinking with some friends around 9-9:30ish, so I it wouldn't be too late.
Kim: That sounds good
She called me Friday night at 6PM.
Me: What's going on
Kim: Was I supposed to call you today at 12?
Me: Only if you think your cousin was leaving early, but I've already made some plans in [bigger city] for tonight, sorry. We're still on for dinner on Tuesday, right?
Me: Cool, look forward seeing you Tuesday, I'll give you a call around 6ish. Have a good day.
Things I did well:
- Built more comfort on the date
- Time-bridged into next date
- Stuck to my own rules about her calling me by 12, if not, I can't get together.
Things I wondered about:
- Did I seem too AFCish and too needy during the date?
- Should I have not brought up "real issues" and kept it fun and adventurous the whole night?
- Her calling me at 6PM when I told her "call me by noon if you think you can get together Friday night", was that a random shit-test?
Monday, August 11, 2008
I talked to a few people, and they think I made her feel uncomfortable on our last date, and that's why she flaked out on me the next time. I had a mission that in this date, I was going to not push things physically, and build some comfort. I wanted to show her that I don't just want her for her body, I genuinely like her as a person, which I truly do.
We met up at the go-kart place and I bought two "unlimited passes" for $10 each. We stayed in line and we chatted, kept the conversation light and fun. I used the masturbating in the shower joke, she pretended like she wasn't amused, but I knew she found it funny, and I transitioned into a DHV story about my career and travel experiences - "Come on, the least you can do is a courtesy laugh. The last time I got a courtesy laugh was when I giving a presentation in a board room in Manhattan, ..."
About 30 minutes later, we got to ride the go-kart, mine was all the way at the back and my kart was significantly slower, and I went all the way through without seeing her. We decided to go one more time, and kept on chatting about more stuff. During this chat, she chatted about drinking, and said something like "I think while drunk, we do things we wanted to do anyway, we just don't think of the consequences as much", and she looked fairly serious about it. I lighted up the mood with "Yeah, totally, the next time I get drunk and fuck a goat, we all know that I am secretly attracted to goats, but now I got an excuse to fuck them". She called me a "goat fucker", I said something like "Oh yeah, totally, now that I think about it, you DO look like a goat, I'd totally fuck ya." We kept on joking some more.
We got to ride the go-kart again. She was one kart in front of me, but I got a kart that's somewhat faster now. I felt like I caught up with her really quickly. I don't know if she deliberately let me do that or if my kart really was a lot quicker. I bumped her out of the way in one turn and got in front of her, and I slowed down a bit to let her pass me. I then bumped her out of the way again and got in front of her. Of course, I let her pass me again, so it would almost feel like a true "competition". The 3rd time I bumped her out of the way in a turn, I spun her kart out and she was side ways against a railing, and I stopped behind her. The employee pushed her kart off the railing, and told everyone to go slow into spot where we get off the kart, because it was the last lap. Afterwards, we had a playful argument about who won.
Kim: I passed you twice and didn't have to cheat and bump into you like you did to meAfterwards, we went to I-hop down the road to grab desert. She talked about going out of town that coming weekend, which sucked because I was going to time-bridge into another date for that coming Friday night, to attempt to get intimate with her again after building more comfort. After desert, I drove her back to her car. We chatted outside a little more, leaning against my car. I built more comfort by talking about some deeper, "real", subjects. We chatted about whether we watch TV or read before going to sleep, what we think about after we turn off the light/TV, the 30 seconds to 5 minutes before actually falling asleep, "what ifs" in life and where our life would be if we made a different 50/50 major decision earlier on in our lives, etc.
Me: Doesn't matter, I still won
Kim: No, I finished in front of you
Me: That's only cuz I'm such a nice guy and waited on you when you span out
Kim: And who's fault is that, that I span out?
etc, etc, etc.
During our chat, I positioned her in different spots. We started chatting when we both were leaning on my car, she was on the right side of me, looking in the same direction as I was. Later on, I pulled her in closer to me, and put my right arm around her, then as we chatted about more stuff, built more comfort, I pulled her off my car, positioned her in front of me but still facing the same direction so I'm leaned up against my car behind her, and wrapped my arms around her waist, and we kept on chatting. It's somewhat weird, she didn't have any reactions no matter what I did. She didn't seem uncomfortable or comfortable with either, she almost seemed emotionless. I then turned her around, and gave her a kiss on the lips. She gave me a short pecking-like kiss, but then leaned her head back, almost like she's got problems with intimacy. I wished her a good night, and wish her to have a good time out of town that coming weekend. I ended the date with "I'll give you a call sometime next week."
The following Saturday afternoon, I sent her a "non-needy" (in my own opinion, of course) text message just to keep the line of communication going - "This is such bs, stuck in line at atm behind a lady taking forever at the register and playing with her baby at the same time". I thought she'd be amused and reply with something like "haha" or something, but I didn't get a reply back.
I called her Sunday night to make some plans for mid-week. My rational was to reach her early so she doesn't plan anything yet, and get it by mid-week so I can schedule another date Friday night and make a move on her without it being "the next day". I called her at 8:30, she didn't pick up and I didn't leave a message. She called me back an hour later, I was on the phone and didn't pick up, she left a message saying "Hey, saw a missed call from you, bye". I called her back 10 minute after that and she answered.
Me: What's going on
Kim: Nothing really, how are you?
Me: I'm awesome, had fun on your trip?
Kim: Yeah, it was really fun, we just got back, and I'm really tired
Me: Glad you girls had fun. How long was the drive? 4-5 hours?
Kim: Yeah, about that, I know, I'm a wimp
Me: Yeah, totally. Did you drive, or did a friend drive? You have absolutely no reason to be tired if your friend drove
Kim: I drove
Me: Fine, I guess you can be tired driving then. Got plans Wed night?
Kim: Not that I know of
Me: Let's grab some Pho, have you ever had Vietnamese noodle soup?
Kim: No, I haven't.
Me: It's pronounced Fe in Vietnamese, but since we're Americans, we'll call it Fo.
Kim: [slight laugh, giggle]
Me: Let's plan on that Wed night around 7-7:30ish, cool?
Me: What works better for you? You dropping by my place and we'll drive there together? Or me texting you the address, you Mapquest it, and we meet there?
Kim: Well, I just turned off my text messaging plan last week, so texting won't work anymore.
Me: So you didn't get my text message yesterday?
Me: Yeah, I randomly texted you cuz I was stuck in line in an ATM with a lady playing with her baby taking forever. Do you still remember where I live?
Kim: I think so
Me: Awesome, let's plan on meeting at my place around 7-7:30ish, and we'll go grab food together.
Me: Cool, have a good night.
That was Sunday night, and it's currently Monday. Only time will tell if she flakes out again.
Things I did well:
- On the date - created more fun conversations
- On the date - built lots of comfort
Things I question about:
- When she talks about drinking and doing things we truly wanted to do, was she referring to the Friday night date when we semi-hooked up, and we both had drinks?
- Her lack of body language when I hold her in different positions, neither positive nor negative, neither nervousness or comfort. What was that about?
- Her turning off her text messaging service on her phone - real or random lie?
- Did I seem too needy or AFC-ish after the date? I said "I'd call her sometime next week" Tuesday night, and I texted her on Saturday and called her on Sunday.
- Should I have played more games, even though we've known each other for a while already? Should I have waited an hour to call her back because she waited an hour to call me back? Instead of asking her if she got plans Wed night, should I have said "I got some plans Monday and Tuesday night, but let's get together Wednesday night if you're free"?
I called her the next Tuesday and set up a Wed night dinner date. I wanted to build some more comfort, showing her that it isn't just about the physical thing, I'm still willing to stick around afterwards, we still can get together and hang out, etc. She called on Wed afternoon and flaked out on me. Her excuse was "I'm sorry, but I'm not feeling well, I've got migraines". I said "cool, we'll reschedule" and ended the conversation.
The next night, I was out sarging with Radium and saw her coming out of a bar as I walked in. She was with a mixed group of guys and girls, I greeted her, really up beat, great smiling friendly vibe, hinted to Radium that she's the one that flaked out on me by saying "This is Kim, I was gonna have dinner with her yesterday, but she wasn't feeling well".
Kim: I really wasn't
Me: I'm glad you're feeling better, have a good night.
We went into the bar as she and her group walked out of it. I was really annoyed at the time, and I decided to delete her number off my phone. About a week and a half later on a Monday night, I received a call from her. I didn't pick up because I was hanging with Graves at the time. I also didn't really know who it was because I deleted her number off my phone, and she didn't leave a message. I called back about 45 minutes later, and realized it was her.
Me: Missed a call from you?
Kim: Hey, was just wondering if you were at your apartment, I was downtown with a friend. But we're not any more
(My apartment is within walking distance of downtown)
Me: Sorry, was hanging out with a friend, we're actually hitting up downtown right now.
Me: Hey, there's this Thai restaurant I'm thinking about checking out on Wednesday, you should join me
Kim: I'm not sure, can I get back to you tomorrow about this?
Me: Sure, just get back to me by tomorrow, have a good night.
I got off the phone, she called back the next day and gave some really weird excuse that she can't do dinner on Wednesday. Something like "I was at my parents' today, we picked vegetables and we're going to can them tomorrow". I basically said "That's cool, give me a call if you want to get together", and got off the phone with her again. Again, I "left the ball in her court", conveying the attitude of "I made my effort, now if you want to get together, you'd have to put some effort in".
The following Sunday, she called me and left me a message while I was going out day-game sarging with Graves. Her message was something casual, like "Hey, it's Kim, sorry about canceling the last two times, call me back".
I called her back the next day (Monday night).
Me: Hey, it's Paul
Kim: What's up
Me: Nothing really, was thinking of going go-karting tomorrow night, you should join me
Kim: Go karting?
Me: Yeah, it'll be fun
Kim: How much does it cost? I don't really have much money
Me: Don't worry about it, it's just a couple of bucks
Kim: You sure?
Me: Yeah, just a few dollars, no big deal. Do you know where ____ is?
Kim: Yeah, I do
Me: Cool, meet you there at 7:30?
Kim: Sure, sounds good.
Me: Awesome, have a good night.
We got off the phone, the date was set for the next night, which she didn't flake.
Things I did well:
- Non-neediness, decided to not call her until she calls me due to her being inconsiderate
- Being a man, not "asking her out", or "consulting on where we'll go", but telling her "this is where I'm thinking of going, you should join me"
Things I need to figure out:
- Does she not want to go out with me much? If she does, I'm sure she can find a few bucks to go go-karting with me, instead of hesitating due to money
- Does she not want to get romantic with me? She said she didn't have money, if she wanted to get romantic, she shouldn't have hesitated at all to let me pay, because that's what "romantic couples" do.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
The chart below shows my level of success in every new technique I learn with my current skills - whether it's a new cross-over in basketball, new shot in billiards, or new strategy in a video game. When learning doing something new, I fuck up more than I succeed and am temporarily worse off than before, but after I master the new skills, I can take the new skills and incorporate with my existing ones, and see greater success I couldn't see before.
Sarging is no different. I used to get semi-success by "winging it" with fairly high energy as opener, such as "Hey, what's up" or "What's going on, what's your name" stuff, I got semi-success out of it. I currently am trying to learn The Mystery Method, or some form of variation of it. I'm trying to move my game into more opinion openers with transition into a conversation. As of right now, success is seldom, but I know this is something I should do as a part of my long-term success.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
AFC and HB8 were chatting here and there, with random pauses. Her body language looked bored, but not threatened enough for her to wish him away. Just for warm-ups, I opened the set with a random "undershirt or no with a button down shirt" opener, and MM picked up the conversation. I usually don't really do hired guns due to my own anxiety, so I distracted AFC while MM chatted with her. I chatted with AFC for a bit and MM was quiet deep in conversation with HB8. I felt it was safe for MM and didn't need to keep distracting AFC, and turned my back to the bar towards the patio, but still being friendly to AFC. I drank, chilled out for a while, and though I'd be social and say hi to random people walking by in front of me and the bouncers. Things went well, I started conversations with strangers, but mostly guys.
I sat down at a 6-seat table with only 4 girls, and said "my buddy's busy chatting with the bartender, thought I'd sit here and chat with you girls for a while." One of the hotter girls at the table said something like "Seems like he ditched you". I smiled, and said "he's chatting with her, and it's good that I leave them alone, because in return, when I do that, I'd want him to leave me alone as well. So what're your names?" Names were passed around, intros were made. The girls sitting further away from me kept talking among themselves while I struck up a conversation with a HB4 on the next seat. My weakness in my game's realized again - I can't keep a conversation going. We chatted about some random "boring" topics, and AFC came up and started talking, with fairly high energy. "Hey....____......What's up!!!" I chatted with AFC for a little more, he asked me how I was doing.
Ambiance: I'm doing awesome.I didn't introduce AFC to the girls, and I chatted with HB4 for about 15 more seconds, realized I couldn't keep the conversation going and it ran dry, and I pointed at my empty glass. "I'm gonna grab more drinks". I left and never returned to the table, leaving AFC there. If nothing else, I gave AFC a free "in" to the 4-set.
AFC, sees me sitting with girls: Yeah, looks like it. You ARE doing awesome, dude!
Ambiance, see the girls weren't paying attention to our conversation, smiled: Nah, I'm kinda sucking it up, can't keep a conversation going. You're welcome to give it a try
AFC: You're a good springboard dude
I went back to the bar and was social for a little more. While HB8 was distracted with a customer, I looked at MM and said "ready to get outta here in a bit? He said "yeah". I asked "gonna go for the number close?" He said yes, and I turned around leaning on the bar, with my back to the bar, looking at the patio being social again. I saw AFC came back to the bar and started talking to MM and HB8. I turned back facing the bar again, seems like AFC finished pulling some childish "High 5", then brushed his hair with his hand when people are doing the high-5 to avoid the clap, and said "Oh, Burnt". MM didn't need distractions number closing. I started talking to AFC, he pulled the "oh, burnt" thing with me too, I held out my hand waiting on a high-5, and looked at him. "Come on, you can't leave me hanging, you have to do it now". He jokingly refused, and I kept on holding out my hand, hoping to buy MM enough time to number close. After about 30 seconds of this, I put my hand on his shoulder, rotated him around me so now my back's towards the bar and he's in front of me, and I said "Dude, you can't juts be leaving me hanging like that. This is what it's all about." I grabbed his hand, gave him some random bullshit handshake with a pat on the back and then a pat on the handshake with my other hand, etc. He said "I know what you're doing". I smiled and said "That's awesome". The vibe of both myself and AFC were upbeat and no apparent animosity. MM number closed, we called it a night.
Things I did well:
- First time I AMOGed a guy, I remember once I put one hand on his shoulder, looked at him in the face in front of HB8 and MM, and said "Dude, you're a cool guy. You have my approval and validation."
- Winged for MM well - Removed obstacles, especially late in the game when he was number closing.
- Being social - chatted with random people without intention of hitting on them (because they were most guys)
- Passed an early shit-test when I sat down at the table and one of the girls told me my friend ditched me to talk to the bartender - I didn't show weakness, dismay, or lose composure.
Things I need to improve on:
- Ability to keep up a conversation without it turning "boring" - hit a dead-end on both the bartender (HB8) and HB4 I was chatting with at the table.
- Get over my anxiety on "hired guns" - bartenders, waitresses, etc
- (after I give them my name) They call me Legs Linda in [xxx bar], but they call me Sexy Linda in [yyy bar]. They already have a someone called Hot Linda, but she's a total bitch, so I guess my name pisses her off a bit
- (after my undershirt opener) I think you should only wear under shirts if your chest is tanned. My ex-boyfriend was muscular, so he looked good with no under shirt
I'm sure the female bartenders did those DHV routines without consciously deciding to do it, but how did they get into the habit of doing so? What does that really accomplish for them? 95% of a woman's social value is in her "hotness", and I'm actually less likely to want her because of those lines she delivered. After delivering the lines, her "hotness" didn't increase, but her attainability decreased, so isn't that counterproductive for them to do?
Monday, July 28, 2008
We went out barring, opened a couple of sets, but conversation ended quickly after the opinion opener. We planned for doing this again today, but we should come prepared. Our homework is to have an opener with 3 stacks to go with it. I haven't done mine yet, but I'll come up with it in the next 8 hours before we go out.
Nice to know there're more people in the community.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
We did the grinding and provocative dancing that goes with it. Ambiance tried to block the other chick, but she was ready to go and the one I was dancing with did not want to go. There was one problem I did not realize while I was dancing nasty with her: I was TOO aggressive. While she was into it, there was no trust factor built. Big problem because as I got more into the dancing it got a little more, how can I say... Adventurous. As far as she knew I was a serial killer.
Well she said she had to go to the restroom after about 5 songs (I like to call it the 'portal' because in this club once you go in there you don't come out). Ambiance and I talked to a few other chicks, a boring set of two who said they were not into the music.
I saw the Aisin chick we were looking for who was on the other side of the club the whole time. We talked for a bit and I told her that B left. Then after I left her a group of 5 chicks litterally ran into me and one kept saying she lost her friend. I was going to help her find her but she happened to be right behind her. I danced with her friend and dropped the two set.
We then left after that and grabbed a bite to eat. Once done we hit on a few other chicks who each had dudes hanging out waiting for them right after we started talking to them. Ambiance had some good transitions from the openers, but alas, they were already spoken for...
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
We started at a neighborhood bar. It wasn't crowded, but there also wasn't any open tables until a group left. It was table with 6 seats in it, and we sat down on it hoping to pull a couple of girls to sit down with us, using the excuse of "no open tables". We sat and chilled out for a bit, and this couple wanted to sit down at our table. We tried to reject them by saying "We're expecting our friends to join us", but they just invited themselves to sit with us by saying "It's cool, we'll leave when they get here". To our surprise, 2 more girls joined them at the table after they sat down, and the set was opened.
We made intros, and the set was split. The original couple was chatting between each other, I was chatting with one girl while Radium chatted up the other one. I made the classic mistake of not building much "attraction" during the chat, but built some comfort. We chatted about traveling and such. She talked about visiting the big city I was from often, we shared our favorite spots in the city, etc. At this point, Radium's chick faced me and said something like "I just wanted you to know that I know what's going on with you and [Radium] and I fully support your choice." I got confused, "huh? What're you talking about?" She said "It's okay, I know you two are gay with each other. I just busted out laughing, I shouted over the table to Radium, "Dude, did you tell her we were gay?" She said "It's okay, I don't judge you or anything, I think it's great that you guys are open about it." I laughed some more. Throughout all of this, she was upbeat and smiling about it, don't know if she really believed that, or she was just fucking with Radium as a joke. Either way, I kinda dismissed her while smiling, "Yeah, glad you approve", and kept on chatting up with the girl I was talking to before.
Radium's girl went to get a drink, I asked her to buy me something as well and started taking out some cash, and she said "Are you gonna pay for my drink?" I said "Hah, no". She said "Then I'm not gonna get you anything". I joked "Fine then, be that way". Radium was also getting up for a drink and I handed him some cash and asked him to get me a drink. By now, the table's left with the original couple that sat down with us first, which I now no longer believe is a couple, the girl I chatted with, and myself. I started to talk to the girl I was chatting with across the table because there's been some random seat movements among them when Radium's girl started talking to me. She chatted back with me, and I handmotioned her to come closer to me because I didn't want to shout across the table. She came over, and I saw it as a weak IOI. I ran a handwriting analysis routine, then kept on chatting with her. The girl from the "original couple" was going to the bathroom, and dragged the girl I was talking to with her. By now, both Radium and his girl came back. We all chatted for a while, she kept on fucking with us via the gay thread, and we continued chatting.
Radium's girl was asking the original guy in the group where the other two girls went, and
he said they went to the bathroom, but who knows where they are now, they might've left by now, they're flaky like that. I looked at Radium and asked him how he's doing, he said he wasn't getting anywhere, so I said "if those 2 girls don't come back in 10-15 minutes, let's leave". He agreed. The whole table chatted for a while, I pulled out my phone, pretended to answer a call, and hang up. I then said "Hey guys, remember our friends that were supposed to join us here? Well, they actually are at the bar down the street and they thought we were supposed to join them." They were like "Wow, that sucks". We exited using that excuse. I asked Radium why he told her we were gay while we walked out, he said something like "She hinted that we were, and I kinda just rolled with it".
We approached a couple more sets with some function and opinion openers, but none transitioned to anything. At the end of the night, we hit up another bar. We first went to the outside bar and saw 3 girls sitting at the bar, but were cashing out. The bartender gave me a hard time of paying using for each drink vs starting a tab and everything, the set laughed a little about it, and we opened the set. We made some intros, and one of the girl's name was "Andy". I asked so what's Andy" short for? Her friend said "Andrea" as Andy was a bit quiet, I made a joke "That's good, cuz I thought Andy was a boy's name. Her friend said something about it could be used for both sexes. They were on the way to the balcony of the bar, and left. Radium and I sat at the bar for a bit more, and decided to check out the balcony. There were sets to open other than those 3, and we sat with them again. I thought it was slightly needy, but whatever, it's the end of the night.
I started chatting with the more talkative one (HBTalkative) while Radium talked with one he later on told me was "sweet" (HBSweet). Andy, the quiet one just sat there by herself. At a conversation low-point, I looked at Andy, said with high energy
Ambiance: "What's up, everything cool? How much have you had tonight?".
Andy, saying with a bitchy/annoyed voice: "I don't know why everyone keeps asking me that, I'm not drunk!"
Radium, saying with a fake drunk slur teasing her: "I'm not drunk at all, I always talk like this"
Andy: [Started bitching about something I didn't remember at the time]
Ambiance - trying to dismiss her bitchiness as childish: "Ah.....kids nowadays"
Andy, still angry: "How old are you?"
Ambiance: "How old are YOU?"
Andy: "I'm 22, now how old are YOU?"
Ambiance: "I'm 28"
Andy: "Well, this is a kid's table, so why don't you leave"
Ambiance, faking a smile, looking at HBTalkative: "Maybe I should, it was great chatting with you and have a good night".
I gave a head tilt to Radium and he looked at the table and said "Have a good night" as well, and we walked out of the bar. We laughed so hard at what just happened, and we still laugh about it every time we talk about it. I was talking about we should be more of a jackass and told them "we also sit here now, so it's an adult table, and I think you should leave" just because they were bitches. Maybe she serious was pissed, or maybe she had high bitch shield and that was a glorified all-or-nothing shit-test.
We went to a couple of more bars, approached a couple of more sets but didn't get anywhere. At the end of the night, we bumped into the guy we saw at the first bar and he was also finishing the night with Radium's girl. She talked about us being gay again, I kinda did my greeting with the guy cuz I built a little more rapport with him while we were there. Radium gave her a hug goodnight, and we ended the night there. As we were walking away:
Radium: Dude, I just acted drunk as shit and grabbed her tits during that hug.
Ambiance: Niiiiiiice, good job bro.
Radium: She definitely knows we're not gay now!
Ambiance: Good job bro. In addition to the Number close and Make Out close, we should invent one more, the "Grab her on the tits Close".
We laughed a bit at everything and then laughed some more about the 3-set we pissed off, and ended the night there.
Things I did well:
- Split conversations in sets - After sets were opened, Radium and I always could split into mini-conversations with separate girls, instead of the whole table engaged in one conversation. But it's very dependent on seating, due to the loudness of the bar and we only could "split" into the groups that were sitting closer to one another.
- Building attraction - couldn't build attraction after sets were opened and split
- The first bar - The first girl I was chatting with "went to the bathroom with her friend" and never came back. I should've recognized it before and attempted a number close before that
- Not fucking with bitchy chicks - We got blown out of the last set because I started fucking with the bitchy chick. I should've let it go and not tried to engage her in anything. She would've been an obstacle in the future, but we would've went further in our set.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
- To build trust, showing her that you're not taking advantage of the situation that you got her into your place.
- Setting up comfort for the end of the night - she's already been into your place, so at the end of the night when you take her back there, she'll be somewhat comfortable because she's already been there.
I asked her to sit on the couch in the living room while stepping into my bedroom to "finish my Email". My bedroom door was open, I talked to her while I typed a bunch of nothing on my keyboard. When I "finished my Email", I came out and saw her checking out my bookshelf. She joked "I'm just being nosy" and I rushed her along, "Come on, let's go". She saw my kung-fu movies and we were chatting about it. She wanted to finish checking out my bookshelf and she called me a nerd because she saw my checkers set and my book from college, "99 critical shots in pool". I came back with a neg "Hell yeah I'm a nerd, maybe you should borrow that book, you'd suck a little less in pool that way". I put out interesting magazines on my coffee table when I know a date's coming over, from travel to art magazines, but I never took the time to "optimize" my bookshelf, other than not having books about picking up women there. I saw her being nosy as an IOI, she was interested in my lifestyle, wanted to find clues on what type of a guy I am.
While we were leaving out of my apartment, I'm teasing her as usual, and she said jokingly "Fine then, maybe I should just leave". I recognized the shit test this time, and joked "Sure, maybe you should. But either way, I'm walking that way towards the bar, if you happen to leave the same direction as the bar, I'd understand".
We walked to the first neighborhood bar and had one drink each. Chatted a little, nothing special, and walked down the street for the next bar. She wanted to pay for her own drink, but I picked up the check and said "you can pay the next one". I saw a semi-upscale restaurant/bar open that I've never seen before, and I asked her if she knew of this place. She didn't, so we went into it for a drink. We looked at the menu, it's pricier than the bars around it, such as martinis are $11. She bought a $4 beer, and I got a $7 drink. We chatted a little more, and I picked up this round too because it was my idea to come and try this restaurant I've never tried before. After we walked out, I started a small DHV thread on our salary discrepancy:
Me: I should've taken a look at the menu, living this close, I definitely can imagine this place being somewhere I visit oftenWe went to a billiards place, and shot a few games of pool. In between, she and I walked up to the bar for a drink, and asked for the shot special they had. We each took a shot special of the night. She volunteered to pay for this one and I let her. We played a few more games of pool, and walked out. The date started around 8:45ish, and we've been out for a little over 2 hours. I just walked down the street, she asked where we were going, and I said, without hesitation, "We're going to my place and having one more drink". She said "Okay".
Her: Yeah, it looks like a nice place, I know they got pizza, I saw the waitress carry out a few of them
Me: Yeah, they do look good. Do you know if they have California Pizza Kitchen around here?
Her: I've never heard of it
Me: Well, it's an Italian food chain that I used to go to a lot, they have it in a few major cities, I was just wondering if they had it here. It's one of those places where they sell some great personal sized pizzas for $12.
Her: That's kinda pricey
Me: I guess, but their pizza's definitely worth it, I used to go there a lot when I lived in ___. Speaking of that, the last time I visited .... [ending small DHV thread, transitioned into next thread].
I arrived at my place, she went into the living room while I used the restroom. When I came out, she was browsing in my bedroom, looking at stuff on my dresser, such as my deodorant, mirror, and cologne and such. I took this as another IOI, and teased "Nosy Nosy". She said "Your door was open, and it's not like I opened any drawers or anything". I led her to the kitchen and made two low-ball semi-girly drinks in the same shaker, which should subconsciously tell her that I'm not getting her more drunk than myself. She went to use the restroom, as I put on my mood lights in my living room, and put on some soft Euro trip pop music. She came back and sat on my couch, I asked her to sit closer, and put my arms around her. She responded positively and leaned towards me, I held her in my arms. We chatted while we sipped on our drinks.
Her: I can tell that you live by yourself, your bathroom's clean too.I thought it was a small DHV thread about my lifestyle, and we continued chatting about things. It somehow went back to bathrooms and I said:
Me: Oh? How often do you clean your apartment?
Her: When I'm not being lazy, about every week or so.
Me: Wow, that's frequent. I clean mine about every 2 months or so.
Her: You don't mess it up either, since you live by yourself and have no pets
Me: Yeah, that's true......and well, I don't really clean mine, I have it cleaned every 2 months or so, my maid does it.
Her: I never knew anyone that has a maid.
Me: Well, when I hear the word "maid", I think of someone like "Alice" from that TV show.......what's the name of that 70's show, where two families join together as one?
Her: The Brady Bunch?
Me: Yeah, that's it. I don't have anything like that, she just comes and cleans my apartment and leaves. She's great because she doesn't bother me while she does it, she lets me work on my computer and such.
Her: Yeah, but I can't imagine paying to get my place cleaned
Me: Yeah, I guess, but it's pretty cheap, I only pay for it every 2 months or so.
Me: I don't know why, but for some reason, women like to leave things in my bathroomWe continued chatting about random things, I think that sparked her feeling of jealousy just a little. While I had her in my arms, I tilted her head back by gently lifting up her chin, and kissed her, she responded positively. I kept on talking to her, just general chatting about life like we always do. I DO remember saying 3 fairly AFC things, but probably not in that order:
Her: Like what?
Me: Like shampoos and such. This girl left a bottle of shampoo in my shower, and I gave it back to her the next time I saw her. It's almost like a cat marking her spot or something
Her: Yeah, it's exactly like that
Me: But how could they tell though? I have some really metro stuff in there, how could they tell if it's left from a girl or naturally mine?
Her: What do you have?
Me: I have a Paul Mitchell shampoo right now, and some really girly body wash from Bath and Body Works. So I don't know how a girl would know the difference whether it's natually mine or if it's something left from another girl.
Her: Oh, she'll know.
Her: She will, trust me.
- I'm glad you came out drinking with me tonight
- You fit really well in my arms
- You know what, I enjoy your company
She commented on how comfortable my bed was, and I put the comforter on both of us, and said "I've always thought my comforter was the most comfortable part about my bed". As we layed on my bed, I kissed her some more, we made out. At one point, she was being aggressive and was straddling me (with both our cloths on), and was grinding me. I lifted up her shirt and said "Lift up". She lifted her arms and I took her shirt off. I unhooked her bra after kissing her a little more, took it off her arm, but I hit some LMR. She seemed to have changed her mind and covered her bra up to her chest and wouldn't let it leave her chest. Maybe it was her rule of no bra off on 2nd date, or maybe she changed her mind on something, I don't know. I tried to gently give her arms a little push so she wouldn't be holding her bra on, but she wouldn't move her arms. She put her bra back on, I held her in my arms a little longer and chatted. About 15 minutes later, she told me she was going to go. I told her "Yeah, you should", but as soon as she sits up, I grab her waste and pull her back in my arms. She smiled, layed in my arms a little longer, and said "I really should go", and I said "Yeah, you really should", and did it again. But right after I did it, I let go of her, and joked "Yeah, you should go" as I got off the bed.
I walked her down the street to her car, when she was about to get into her car, I said "Come here, you need a proper goodbye". I gave her a hug, which I squeezed her ass in the process. She smiled a little, and I told her I'd text or call her mid-next week.
Things I did well:
- Brought her up to my apartment just to leave real quickly
- Passed an early shit-test about her jokingly leaving
- Fun vibe throughout the night out
- Transitioned to my apartment at the end of the night under the assumption "that's just where we were going, no big deal"
- Pulled out the jealousy card successfully while holding her
Things I fucked up on:
- Couldn't break through the LMR, don't know what I could've done - maybe Style's "100% perfect girl" story could help, don't know.
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